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  1. #1
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    Talking The master of DDO...more specifically, dying in it (comedy)

    EPISODE ONE!

    It was a dark and stormy night...er, i mean, it was a bright and sunny morning...a new person logged in. Dolton Noobylax was just starting. He was on his first challenge. How to walk? He tried pressing m. All of a sudden, an evil popup box tried to trick him with false information about terrain. Dolton knew what to do - he destroyed it by firing his golden arrow (the cursor) at the X! The popup box died, and he noticed ANOTHER popup box! This one looked offical. But where were these arrow keys...

    An hour later, Dolton found out how to move forward. Everything went great till...bum bum BUM!...he found a turn! How to turn? He tried many keys, when suddenly, he accidentally pressed Alt and F4, and he couldnt see himself anymore!

    Two hours later, he found out how to get back on, and then three hours later, he learned how to turn! Then he saw an evil mage who conjured letters above his name that said, "Trader Skipp", which had a 1/9999999999th chance of being the incantation for destroying all pies!

    He must destroy him! The dark mage looked at him and said, "You wanna use the fast route or the route that teaches you stuff?" Dolton yelled, "Remove that horrid incantation from above your head, dark mage!" Trader Skipp said, " I'm not a dark mage, i'm a trader." "Then explain the letters above your head made of pure dark magic!" Trader Skipp sighed. "EVERYTHING has those above their heads in DDO. It's not dark magic."

    Dolton then walked to an odd building with a robot standing near it. "Yo, robot!" The robot looked at him. "Whatever a robot is, i'm not one." "You can't lie to me, bolt bag! Now do as your programmer ordered!" The robot muttered to himself, "Newbies these days..." Then he said, "Do you want to train or not?" "I wanna train, robot, so you stand here while i shoot chain lightining at you!" The robot groaned. "You don't HAVE chain lightning, you're not even a MAGE, and I'm not a robot! GO INTO THE STINKING TAVERN!" Dolton went into the tavern...

    TO BE CONTINUED!
    Last edited by Maniacalbug; 02-19-2007 at 07:11 PM. Reason: Colors! :D
    ~Maniacal Bug~
    ~Insect Master~

  2. #2
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    Talking Episode 2!

    Dolton entered the tavern. He walked daround asking people where to train. Then he found someone named Euphonia. "Excuse me, but can i train here?" He said. "You can, but first answer thbis question. What's 1 plus 1?" Dolton was scared ofthis problem. He suddenly thought of the answer. "Uh, pie?" 'WRONG! Guess again." Dolton yelled, "1 PLUS 1 DOES TOO EQUAL PIE!!!!!" Euphonia said in an annoyed voice, "No, it ISN'T!""Oh yeah! It equals PIZZA!" "JUST TRAIN ON YOUR OWN!!!!!!!!!" Euphonia gave him 1500XP and the Enhancement Item Defense I. Then she teleported him to the Wavecrest Tavern.

    Dolton found a bunch of tough people. He asked, "Hey can you teach me chain lightning?" The people responded with "lol noob!" Apparently that meant that they were too wimpy to move a feather. Dolton said, "I know, must be hard being unable to lift a feather." The people responded with, "ROFL NOOB!" He decided they weren't worth talking to and talked to Sigmund Bauerson. "Hey dude, can i buy some chocolate milk?" Sigmund said, "Chocolate Milk? No, we haven't any chocolate milk, but can you go get us a cask of Old Sully's Grog?" "Sure!" Dolton walked up to a door and double clicked. All of a sudden a popup appeared! He fired his golden arrow at the evil popup's button that said OK, and it disappeared and he want into a wierd room...

    TO BE CONTINUED
    Last edited by Maniacalbug; 02-19-2007 at 07:08 PM. Reason: Colors! :D
    ~Maniacal Bug~
    ~Insect Master~

  3. #3
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    Talking Episode 3!

    Dolton walked around. Suddenly he saw a wierd barrel (cask of Old Sully's). Then it came to him! He had to cast Chain Lightning on the barrel! "Zap!" Nothing happened. "BIG JOLT!!!" Nothing happened. "THUNDER!" Nothing. "Senventior DIsthine Molenko!" He teleported a nearby pebble to a mine in another RPG. "Rats, this is hard." He picked up the barrel and opened it. He closed it back up, horrified. It looked like Death Acid. He kept it in order to guard it from evil liver and broccoli (the worst enemies of pie and pizza). Then he noticed a big cave.

    He found a lever. What to do with it? He suddenly thought, "Of course! It's chain lightning time!" He yelled, "RAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Nothing happened. "Chaina Lightninga!" Nothing happened. "CHAin LIGHTning!" Nothing. "Chu-HAAAAAAYN Luh-IIIIIIIIGHTNING!" Zilch. "Hmm..." He tried to eat it. "OW!!! MY TEETH!!!!!" He angrily clicked on it repeatedly, and suddenly, a bar of dark magic appeared above his head that said, "Using..."

    TO BE CONTINUED!
    Last edited by Maniacalbug; 02-19-2007 at 07:09 PM.
    ~Maniacal Bug~
    ~Insect Master~

  4. #4
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    Talking EpIsOdE 4!

    Dolton had to destroy the bar of Dark Magic! He knew how to do it. He screamed the incantation, "Salty Pizza Pie!" The bar vanished, and a wall disappeared! He entered the new room, then found another lever! He dealt with it the same way he dealt with the first one.


    He was in a tunnel. He explored it till he saw a Kobold! He walked up and asked, "Hey, do you like pie?" "NO!" "GRAAGH! ENEMY OF PIE, YOU SHALL BE SMITTEN BY CHAIN LIGHTNING!" The kobold rolled his eyes. "CHAINA LIGHTNINGA!" Nohing happened. The kobold said, "Big human is moron." "Hmm, maybe this chest wsill have some Magic Rune Stones..."


    He searched the chests. "Nope, just a buncha lame junk that i don't need." He threw away the 1000pp, +5 Fire Greatsword, +5 Greater Ice Guard Robe of Disintegrate, and Founder's Helm he found. "What kind of MORON would want this stuff?"

    Then he searched the other chest. "I better hang on to this Unholy artifact in case I need something without holes." He started for the door, but the Kobold yelled, "Moron! Come give back thingy! Must destroy big dope!"

    Dolton realized after an hour of running in circles eating pies that the Kobold wanted to kill him! Quickly, he threw his pie at the kobold! SPLAT! The Kobold died immediately from shock! Dolton left, saying, "I never get good stuff..."

    A dwarf Fighter by the name of Lukk E. Dukk walked into the basement. Everything was normal, except for he found no Kobold, but a lot of awesome treasures! "Yay! I lucked out again! "

    To be continued!
    ~Maniacal Bug~
    ~Insect Master~

  5. #5
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    Talking Episode 5!!!!

    Dolton walked up to Sigmund. "Did you do what i asked?" "You really need a sewer cleanup. I found a kobold and a barrel of death acid, by the way that kobold had a buncha junk like 1000pp and a +5 Fire Greatsword!"

    "That stuff is good, why didn't you pick it up?" "IT'S JUNK!" "Sigh, hand me the Death Acid and go give that wierd thingy there to Augustus."

    Dolton walked up to Augustus. "Sigmund told me to-" The wierd thingy vanished in an instant! "WHAT WAS THAT FOR!" "Sigh, that was a threat to stormreach, go back in and beat up the bad guys, blah blah blah."

    Dolton ventured down again. He went past the same stuff. Then he found a lever and pulled it. Three kobolds tried to attack him. "Hey! That isn't very nice!" Suddenly, he jumped around and yelled, "CHAAAAAAAAAAAAIN LIGHTNING!"

    The kobolds roared with laughter. Dolton figured he could go away. After he left, the kobolds died of laughing too hard. Dolton found 7 more kobolds.

    "CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AA
    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA A
    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA A
    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN LIGHTNING!"


    The kobolds jumped around (obviously too stupid to know that FIGHTERS CAN'T CAST CHAIN LIGHTNING) and in a panic all fell down the pit and killed themselves. Dolton then came to a ladder. Another puzzler...

    TO BE CONTINUED
    Last edited by Maniacalbug; 02-24-2007 at 06:40 AM. Reason: Episode 5
    ~Maniacal Bug~
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  6. #6
    Community Member bigj1608's Avatar
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    this just got me rollin and im sittin at my comp in class.. lol.. this is hilarious man bring on some more!

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