When to squelch and move on

[myliftkk_v2]

it went like this.


ran a r1 sc. dude piked the whole thing talking about day drinking.
get done, say ok now for the elite run.
his response: "your running the exact same quest again? what are you, bleeping autistic?" and drops group then i posted this query to the forums

The equivalent of a drunk yells at you, then shuffles off?

My response which works in real and digital life equally efficiently is to ignore them. To do anything other than that, including posting in a forum about it is giving their slurred words far more weight than they have.

Ignoring others is wholly underrated as an effective response to situations like this.

[False_Gods]

Honestly, nothing other than more self-absorbed preaching from up high by FalseGods...crammed full of similarly sulfurous hot air on how people should be doing things...

Well, in 15+ years I have never had a problem with anyone, so here are some good rules of etiquette people can follow when playing with others in DDO:

I. When logging on, look for a group you can help fill. Even if you dont need that particular quest. If there are no groups or you've ran those repeatedly lately then advertise for a group.

II. If someone joined your group, you should do your best to return the favor and join/promote their group the next time you see that they have one up.

III. If someone attempts to join your group and you have to reject them for whatever reason, be sure to send a quick tell apologizing and letting them know why.

IV. If someone has joined your group, be proactive in filling the group. Respect that person's time and the trust they put in you to join your group. Go down the list of players who arent in a dungeon and let them know your putting together a group. Feel free to just copy/paste the first short tell you sent and then spam it to everyone else in range. Just sitting there waiting for a group to fill is disrespectful to the people who entrusted you as the group leader.

V. If you join a group, feel free to also help fill the group by sending short tells to anyone not in a dungeon. If you overstep and can't accept a person, be sure to send an apology.

VI. Abstain from voice chat whenever possible. If you have to talk or tell jokes, keep it to a minimum.

VII. Keep guild tags off. You will experience grouping entirely differently. If a player impresses you , you can check their portrait to see what guild they're in, if it interests you.

VIII Do not assume that someone will play your way or prescribe to the meta. "Harry do you have Ddoor?". Respect people and their characters by giving people time and space to discover things on their own and do not assume that everyone has already discovered the thing that you want from them.

IX. "Show Don't Tell" Do not tell people how to play their characters. If your character can do something, do it. If you have a tactical suggestion, suggest it. Let people react and play their characters how they choose, even if it means it may take a little longer. instead react how your character would and adapt to what the rest of the group is doing. Do not assume that just because you are the leader that you are in charge of giving orders or explaining how to do things. Do not assume that eveyrone has already done the quest and is interested in doing things in the shortest time possible. If people aren't doing what you expect them to do according to how you were taught, then react and adapt in game. Do not start barking over the voice channel to bend people to your will.

I will continue these later...

[Mininin67]

Well, in 15+ years I have never had a problem with anyone, so here are some good rules of etiquette people can follow when playing with others in DDO:

I. When logging on, look for a group you can help fill. Even if you dont need that particular quest. If there are no groups or you've ran those repeatedly lately then advertise for a group.

II. If someone joined your group, you should do your best to return the favor and join/promote their group the next time you see that they have one up.

III. If someone attempts to join your group and you have to reject them for whatever reason, be sure to send a quick tell apologizing and letting them know why.

IV. If someone has joined your group, be proactive in filling the group. Respect that person's time and the trust they put in you to join your group. Go down the list of players who arent in a dungeon and let them know your putting together a group. Feel free to just copy/paste the first short tell you sent and then spam it to everyone else in range. Just sitting there waiting for a group to fill is disrespectful to the people who entrusted you as the group leader.

V. If you join a group, feel free to also help fill the group by sending short tells to anyone not in a dungeon. If you overstep and can't accept a person, be sure to send an apology.

VI. Abstain from voice chat whenever possible. If you have to talk or tell jokes, keep it to a minimum.

VII. Keep guild tags off. You will experience grouping entirely differently. If a player impresses you , you can check their portrait to see what guild they're in, if it interests you.

VIII Do not assume that someone will play your way or prescribe to the meta. "Harry do you have Ddoor?". Respect people and their characters by giving people time and space to discover things on their own and do not assume that everyone has already discovered the thing that you want from them.

IX. "Show Don't Tell" Do not tell people how to play their characters. If your character can do something, do it. If you have a tactical suggestion, suggest it. Let people react and play their characters how they choose, even if it means it may take a little longer. instead react how your character would and adapt to what the rest of the group is doing. Do not assume that just because you are the leader that you are in charge of giving orders or explaining how to do things. Do not assume that eveyrone has already done the quest and is interested in doing things in the shortest time possible. If people aren't doing what you expect them to do according to how you were taught, then react and adapt in game. Do not start barking over the voice channel to bend people to your will.

I will continue these later...

Are you trying to get people Squelched?

1. why would i look for LFMs that i do not want to do? If my desire is not in it I wont be preforming my best or in the groups best interests.

2. ROFLOL I will join groups of people i know who run decent groups and avoid those I know i don't enjoy, but i don't go out of my way to join them.

3. agree being polite is never wrong.

4&5 sending me blind tells is the quickest way for me to ignore you and if you are super annoying you would become my first SQUELCH.

6. This really all depends on the group and what you are doing.

7. what does it matter? Are you that blind you only see the guild tag and not the person playing the toon?

8 & 9 takes all types not up to me to figure out if you know how to play or not.

[LightBear]

15 years ago it was so bad but with age comes maturity, I'm sure most of us have grown some thicker skin.
So that's another benefit of playing a game that has been a round the block for a while.

Most folks have learned to use the phrase "Guild calling" or some other external excuse to disband a group when the play is not to their liking.


Thankfully a whole less of grieving is going on in the game than it used to, though I do see it coming back on the hardcore server.

Edit:
In my 15 years in DDO I hardly had to make use of an external excuse because of different standpoints of how the game needs to be played.
In like 95% when used its simply because of the players doing naked drunken runs spamming grease or whatever, the whole of the group is too demanding on me to carry them through a couple of quests (doing heals, dps, traps and all the skills checks) or are just down right slow/have super bad builds. Then I'm off to greener pastures as I join a party to have the benefit of a party and not to see a slayer count go up by my kills only or carry yet again 5 stones to a shrine for the gazillionth time in a row. Sure I can handle a piker and will give a lot of slack. Same happens to me from time to time as well btw, every now and then I meet a group of min maxers that are chugging all pots with full sets of whatever you can think of and are super zergers of a steady play group of normally six that just happen to have one spot open. When I have my day and are on a good build, then I can keep up with them.
In some cases I have better things to do then be in a group where grieving is going on (grieving like misplacing quest items or refusing to move when a quest objective is for the party to gather at a certain point.)
In very few cases I had leave a group because of severe rudeness (I can handle a "*** dude!" just fine btw) and twice I left a group because there was boasting of discriminating chants going on and I don't want to listen to such filth.

[Amoneth]

I've squelched someone for calling something I did r£tarded. Even if their method was better, there are much better ways to say it. Not that it matters now since the friends list and chat bug also deleted my squelch list

[False_Gods]

Are you trying to get people Squelched?

1. why would i look for LFMs that i do not want to do? If my desire is not in it I wont be preforming my best or in the groups best interests.
2. ROFLOL I will join groups of people i know who run decent groups and avoid those I know i don't enjoy, but i don't go out of my way to join them.
3. agree being polite is never wrong.
4&5 sending me blind tells is the quickest way for me to ignore you and if you are super annoying you would become my first SQUELCH.
6. This really all depends on the group and what you are doing.
7. what does it matter? Are you that blind you only see the guild tag and not the person playing the toon?
8 & 9 takes all types not up to me to figure out if you know how to play or not.

1/2) Because you have experienced a shift in attitude. Instead of stomping around trying to impress people with your self importance, you now do things from a perspective of keeping the game population healthy. Not all the time of course, but it can be something that can be added into the mix when you are deciding if/when to join a group.

4/5) Again.. we are looking at a minor shift in attitude here. If a tell appearing in your chat window once in a while asking if you are interested in running such and such a quest annoys you, I don't think the game is your problem. Again, going back to what we were saying before, I think what is going on here is that people see it as an opportunity to start stomping around and showing off their self importance. No different from adding people to an ignore list. When people feel powerless in their real lives, they come to the game looking for ways to fill that need. I mean c'mon... someone sending you a single tell in a game that your playing asking you if your interested in running such and such a quest? Annoying? Really? When you shift your attitude from looking at ways to fill your own needs for self importance and start taking a broader perspective you'll see that its not really that big of a deal. And also because of attitudes like this it takes much longer to fill a group. My groups fill instantly. I post for a Legendary Tempest spine, spam the list letting people know we're starting, and 5-6 people join. We start, and then the rest of the group fills within a minute or two. Compared to other raids where you are sitting there for 30-40 minutes waiting. I will submit that a leader who has not sent a tell to people in the list letting them know the group is forming is no leader at all and not worthy of leading. Its why I will not join a raid. I have zero interest in sitting there for 30 minutes while it fills. My raids fill within a minute or two and we start regardless. Of course many of my groups die miserably in the field and are never heard from again, but that is a risk each of us decides to take or not.

[False_Gods]

15 years ago it was so bad but with age comes maturity, I'm sure most of us have grown some thicker skin.
So that's another benefit of playing a game that has been a round the block for a while.

Most folks have learned to use the phrase "Guild calling" or some other external excuse to disband a group when the play is not to their liking.


Thankfully a whole less of grieving is going on in the game than it used to, though I do see it coming back on the hardcore server.

Edit:
In my 15 years in DDO I hardly had to make use of an external excuse because of different standpoints of how the game needs to be played.
In like 95% when used its simply because of the players doing naked drunken runs spamming grease or whatever, the whole of the group is too demanding on me to carry them through a couple of quests (doing heals, dps, traps and all the skills checks) or are just down right slow/have super bad builds. Then I'm off to greener pastures as I join a party to have the benefit of a party and not to see a slayer count go up by my kills only or carry yet again 5 stones to a shrine for the gazillionth time in a row. Sure I can handle a piker and will give a lot of slack. Same happens to me from time to time as well btw, every now and then I meet a group of min maxers that are chugging all pots with full sets of whatever you can think of and are super zergers of a steady play group of normally six that just happen to have one spot open. When I have my day and are on a good build, then I can keep up with them.
In some cases I have better things to do then be in a group where grieving is going on (grieving like misplacing quest items or refusing to move when a quest objective is for the party to gather at a certain point.)
In very few cases I had leave a group because of severe rudeness (I can handle a "*** dude!" just fine btw) and twice I left a group because there was boasting of discriminating chants going on and I don't want to listen to such filth.

Again no one is asking you to change the way you do things. Its just a small shift in attitude. It goes a long way. 1000's of players have been lost over the years because they couldn't stand the weather. A small shift in attitude goes a long way in making more people feel welcome in the game and sticking around. Many of those who will later then become productive players who can join your raids.

[Silverleafeon]

My squelch list has been completely empty for years...

[LightBear]

Again no one is asking you to change the way you do things.

Neither am I, right? Or was I, if so sorry I think. I dunno? Maybe someone was but sure wasn't me.
Simply replying what my experience was so far and most of us have changed over the years, prob for the better, that how players act is hardly a problem anymore.
I don't think I have squelched anyone either, maybe someone posting plat for cash advertisements in trade chat.

[Seph1roth5]

I don't think I ever actually squelched anyone, but I did have a few people on my friends list with a note not to party with them lol.

Oddly enough, I came back from a ~5 year break and found out one of the people on that list had finished puberty and was actually not annoying anymore.

[Bjond]

an incident today where i was accused of being autistic cause i was running shadow crypt more then once.

My natural reaction is to squelch and move on...... am i being overtly sensitive in this case or not?

I'd have answered that one with "I don't think so. But, I would fly Quantus. Definitely Quantus."

---

Heh. If it feels excessive, I'll squelch and move. I've only squelched 2? or 3? people in DDO, though. Smaller populations tend to breed diplomacy. Everyone is too acutely aware of how much they need the community to "shoot first and let god sort them later". Or, maybe y'all are just nicer than regular MMO'ers.

For contrast, on SWTOR, I generally squelched 5+ every day for all kinds of reasons. I'd guess +90% of it was for political or religious ranting in general chat, but the rest was "bad play" (swtor will ensure those you squelch are never added via auto-filling and using auto-fill has BIG advantages, so everyone uses it).

[SirValentine]

I don't think I ever actually squelched anyone, but I did have a few people on my friends list with a note not to party with them lol.

I used that method very briefly years ago, until I realized that although Friends list persisted over TR, the notes did not.

Of course, now I have no Friends lists at all. Devs, are you ever fixing our Friends list being deleted bug?

[SiliconScout]

I am just offering a suggestion. In 15 years I have never had to squelch anyone.. there is probably a good reason for it. As with any advice, take it or leave it. No one is putting a gun to your head

More importantly by far, how many times have you been squelched ... I am going to guess it's happened, and likely more than you realize.

Seriously ...

[Quikster]

Usually only after it degrades to days of harassing's me. Had a person get mad we wouldnt let him pike a shroud (long story but basically was farming a heart out in a weekend bought a bunch of timers for people etc, and wanted everyone to be contributing) we recalled and reformed without them. They sent me and my guildies tells for days about how they were going to kill us, eat our kids, blah blah. It got tiering so I finally just ignored and moved on.

[Maidenstalker]

Back when DDO was super popular it seemed like spammers would log on with random characters for their name (probably bots) and send out a global message every 3 minutes until they were booted by an admin. That could not come soon enough for me so I squelched every one of them on the first message. My ignore list was filled pretty fast.

I quit for a for few years and came back about four years ago. The spammers are gone and I have only squelched two people since I returned; one for offensive political speech and the other for being annoying beyond my tolerance level. I never removed the spammers from my ignore list so it is still full.

[Strambotica]

I never had squelsh someone.... but have my blacklist of people that dislike to play with in my DDO spreadsheet (made the list after read this thread :P )
But... there is only 1 person that i really hate to play with... dont remember the name, havent see him for a while and then this week found someone that do exactly the same type off things that this guy, im thinking that maybe he change the name of the character.

What things he did: on R10 he believe that could do everything alone... go zerging, get killed and then someone else in the party dies (or all) because his fault, then... he doesnt cares about res people or heal (that one specific was a FvS). Ufff... is R10 is for team players! we all heal, we all res, we all care each other. Fraking selfish.

Edit: ok yes squelsh Gold spammer... (just check the thing), but players no.

[Bunker]

Back when DDO was super popular it seemed like spammers would log on with random characters for their name (probably bots) and send out a global message every 3 minutes until they were booted by an admin. That could not come soon enough for me so I squelched every one of them on the first message. My ignore list was filled pretty fast.

I quit for a for few years and came back about four years ago. The spammers are gone and I have only squelched two people since I returned; one for offensive political speech and the other for being annoying beyond my tolerance level. I never removed the spammers from my ignore list so it is still full.

"you like, you buy?"

[kmoustakas]

When do you guys draw the line with someone and squelch and move on?

had an incident today where i was accused of being autistic cause i was running shadow crypt more then once.

My natural reaction is to squelch and move on...... am i being overtly sensitive in this case or not?

and even if im right, do we have enough people to squelch and still be able to fill raids?

thanks for reading!

I squelch first, think later. I'm too old for drama