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Thread: Deflection

  1. #41
    Community Member Saekee's Avatar
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    I am from Europe and quite frankly:

    I am GLAD that stuff like his is not really a topic in my country.

    So, someone calls you a hun or something? Ppl call me hun over the mic too. I never considered it bad and never thought bout it. if you do, ither ask him politely not to, or tell him you dont want him to call you that, or drop him or the group.

    Some ppl are ......... Thats fact. Some can change, some cant. Some grew in different enviroment then you did, some in different era. Its near impossible to explain 60 years old guy that the behaviour he was doing his entire life is incorrect. Or that what is totally okay in Italy (not my country) is not okay in MMO game.

    While playing MMO, you are entering international relationships. I have Chinese, Japanese, Europeans, Australan and few Americans in my guild. Heck, wouldnt be surprised if we get someone from India eventually. All these people believe in different things and culturaly are educated differently. You can either attack their beliefs, report them and became infamous, or you can ignore their actions. Or you can ask them not to do it.

    Some will stop. Some wont. Some will apologies. Some will laugh at you.

    Welcome in international game.
    yes we can believe in things differently according to our culture but why should the OP need to adjust? She is being made to feel uncomfortable. That is what matters. That the game is international means that peoples from around the world can learn respect, not tolerate disrespect.


    Quote Originally Posted by OverlordOfRats View Post
    He may not realize his behavior is bothering you. You should tell him plainly what he is doing that is bothering you.


    I can offer you some advise I have given my wife that has made her game time more enjoyable.

    Tell the person in plain terms what behavior they are doing that is bothering you.
    If they persist, let them know that you will leave if they do not stop.
    If they do not stop, then leave even if it is in the middle of a quest.
    Let the other people you like to play the game with know you are leaving because of this other persons behavior. Also let them know that you enjoy playing the game with them and will be happy to do so if that person is not in the group.

    It may seem harsh, but you are here to have fun playing a game. If someone is interfering with you having fun playing a game, then they need to be removed from your game.

    Enjoy the game.
    Nice response. Ultimately, you may want to use the game as a testing grounds so that in RL you can be more assertive. Think of it as an opportunity. Otherwise, no one should be doing anything that makes someone feel uncomfortable based on their gender, sexuality, etc. Note, however, that one of the key definitions of harassment (legally in the US, anyway) is when someone continues to do something after they have been informed that their behavior is hurtful. this gives everyone a chance--for a person to assert/communicate, and the other to respect.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ykt View Post
    How did I kill this thread?

    Quote Originally Posted by MuleAxe View Post
    Hopefully you are the white knight in that respect. If you did kill the thread... Thank you!

    men, women, boys, girls, and everything in between need to get a reality check sometimes that their emotions aren't the only things that make to world turn. There are support groups out there for people who need the positive reinforcement - places more appropriate than a game forum.
    How unfortunate, or perhaps opportune, to see peeps illustrate precisely the mentality that is creating the issue. A forum is a forum, even if it is in a game.

    Finally, it is important to not let things 'build up' to levels of hurt and frustration. That constitutes passive/aggressive behavior. For what it is worth OP you have my full support and best of luck to you.
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  2. #42
    Hopeless Romantic dunklezhan's Avatar
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    Good luck Meli. I haven't got any advice for you but I don't think you're being unreasonable, and I sympathise with the difficult situation you find yourself in.

    Oh - and you don't need a protector. He needs a modern-dectomy.
    Quote Originally Posted by Vargouille View Post
    The best of the best DDO players generally overperform when given a real challenge

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