So recently I have been told by both a male person and a female person, that if a guy talks to me in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable then it's my fault that I haven't told him off more strongly.
So for the particular example that this has recently come up for, I get called "honey", "hun", "dear", which doesn't seem a big enough deal to say anything about so I don't. But it makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel as if it's diminishing, belittling, and putting me in my place.
I get comments like when I die or can't quite manage to do what I'm trying to do like "I'll be there in a sec", "I'll get to you in a moment" and other comments to the effect of that I am helpless and useless and unable to do anything for myself or the party. Again nothing you can really point out clearly and say I don't like that.
And then there is the outright innuendo like he enjoys carrying my soulstone in his pocket, you fill in the dots. Everyone is laughing though so it's not like I can make a big deal about it. Again it's hard to say something in those situations - I am going to get no support from anyone else around.
I'm used to just deflecting or evading and just smiling nicely and ignoring this. But at times it just gets too much. And none of the above seems that serious so it's hard to say something strongly enough. But he makes me feel uncomfortable. I know other people have talked to this person and the message hasn't got through. I can't squelch and move on unfortunately as he's very much within all the people I regularly play with. Problem is that none of those individual things seems *that* bad ... but the sum of the whole and every time... and yeah no... it makes me feel uncomfortable and it's very diminishing. I don't know how I would say something to them that would actually make sense and that they would hear. It doesn't sound like the other people around me understand.
Chatting it over with friends from outside one said "to fix it, you will either need a protector to stand up [and talk to them], who can do it correctly.. or stand up yourself". Doesn't look like I have a protector in this so I guess it's me. Other comments were "we teach people how they treat us" - maybe they're right :/ Also "Offence is taken not given" - meaning yes, I am responsible for my own feelings and no one else; no one can *make* me feel anything - but it just gets tiring you know? He doesn't treat any of the guys like this. :/
Suggestions welcomed as to how I can be clear and stand up :/.