Seriously ddo has the most casual friendly raids of any mmo I've played and I'd guess of any mmo if you really wanted me to make a bet on it. Unless you are running old epic or epic elite, there is virtually no gear requirement, random gen questing gear would get you thru any raid in the game. No you couldn't use korthos gear in shroud but come on. The only gear that was in anyway required was tod boots for tod. As far as one mistake wiping a raid, umm yeah no, ddo is very mistake tolerant, other games have raids where if one person dies you lose that persons dps and likely can't beat the boss down fast enough to kill them before a timer of some sort starts up, the boss gets a massive buff and wipes the party. Most games also have extremely limited ability to raise a party member while in combat. DDO you can have 90% of the party die and raise them up and recover the raid. Sorry but everything you just said is in your head only because it sure isn't part of the game.
I liked lob for my part, the only part I didn't like was the kiting, if you have spawns in a raid fight they should need to be killed not lead in circles.