Hello, and welcome to DDO’s main event, Casuals vs Vets! In this corner, we have Noob, a casual DDO player who would like things “just a bit easier”. Noob weighs in at 145 pounds and hates his job. He complains that there’s not enough time in the day to figure out how to navigate the “Raid”. Solving problems in game just isn’t fun after solving problems “all day long in the office”. He’s never actually entered the “Raid” and as of yet has no idea it’s just a big fight. We won’t tell Noob that little tid bit just yet.

In the other corner we have our contender, the vet. His name is Grinder and he’s been playing DDO since way back in the day when it was hard. Grinder got a kick out being blind in town and has deep nostalgia for the good ole days. Weighing in at 345 pounds, Grinder proclaims to be built out of solid steel. He refuses to send a picture though, so we’re not sure if that’s composed of muscle or Ho Ho’s. Grinder proclaims he works but also plays 143 hours per week. He has also stated in the past that he “worked” hard on accumulating video game treasure – coincidence?

Let’s start with the first question:

DDO Host: “This one goes to you Noob. If you were a developer, what would you do?”

Noob: “I’d start by taking all the fun out of the game and re-working the graphics on the pictures in the dungeon. Did you know, they use the same Succubus picture in three different dungeons? What kind of lazy development team are we dealing with?”

DDO Host: “They have pictures in the dungeons?”

Noob: “Yeah, don’t you look at the walls when you’re doing optionals?”

DDO Host: “I don’t actually play the game. I was just hired to help you guys settle your differences.”

DDO Host: “Ok, next question: Grinder, what would you do?”

Grinder: “Moar loot! GOOD LORD I ran that dungeon twenty thousand times, got everything there is to get and I’m getting bored. What the heck is going on with those lazy devs? I’m gonna quit if they don’t give me something to grind for. There are pictures on the walls of dungeons? Wow, your xp/min must suck.”

DDO Host: “Well, by the first round it sounds like we should probably harass the development team a little. Ok, next question. This one goes to Noob. Noob, what is your preferred playstyle?”

Noob: “That’s a tough one Mr. Host. There’s soooo much to do in the game. I can tell you I don’t like puzzles though. If I wanted to do a puzzle I’d go to the Toystore and get a jigsaw. You know, I just want explore the dungeon, look at the cool graphics and relax. I don’t see why Grinder can’t just slow down and do the whole dungeon.”

DDO Host: “Grinder, how do you respond to that?”

Grinder: “There’s only one way to play. Noob’s just a pup. I say zerg all the way. I hate this boring game. It’s like I just run the same dungeon twenty times in a row and then run it again and again. If I could just run it a little quicker I could run it even faster. I can’t stand this stuff. They need more dungeons for me! I got an idea. Why don’t the developers make the same dungeons but for different levels! That way I can run the same dungeons even moar! This time at a different level! “

DDO Host: “That’s a good idea Grinder. That should mix things up.”

DDO Host: “Ok, next question. This time we’ll start with Grinder. Grinder, what exactly do you do for a living?”

Grinder: “I work. I swear! I absolutely DO NOT live in my mom’s basement so stop saying so. Hold on a sec… shut up mom, I’m on the phone! I don’t have any laundry. Been busy playing. Well, this shirt has a bit of Cheetos smudge but I think it’s cool for another week.”

DDO Host: “Well, it seems Grinder’s a bit busy at the moment. Let’s move on to Noob. Noob, what do you do for a living?”

Noob: “I have it so rough. I work 60 hours in office and only have limited time to play. If only they would make the dungeons shorter and maybe weaken the boss monsters. The trees in the new slayer area look so real. I spent most of last night’s session just staring at the beautiful scenery. I think the art team has done a wonder job and I can just immerse myself in the world they created.”

DDO Host: “You don’t have a job either, do you?”

This is the end of round 1. The world waits in suspense. Can there be an end to this feud? Can Noob and Grinder ever get along? Will we ever find out if Noob actually has limited time or if he’s just plain lousy at the game? These question and more abound.