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Thread: Detention

  1. #1
    Community Member
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    May 2013
    London, Great Britain

    Default Detention

    Detention #1

    There were probably about six kids in detention after school, including myself. Mr. Heward walked into the room and stood in front of us with a huge smile on his face with his hands brought up expansively, palms first like some kind of politician that had pulled off a huge coup and said:

    "Today's detention: Ten observations from the inside of a ping pong ball"


    It took me less than a minute to humour him and be on my way home

    Detention #2

    It was a beautiful summers day. me and this other kid were outside the detention room when Reecy (Mr Reece) strolled up, taking his time trying hard not to look like Oliver Reed (he had the big, log moustache that made him look like a mountie). He sort of posed and said:

    "Are you two on detention?"

    In unison "Yes, sir"

    he took two pieces of paper and pens and handed them to us before continuing:

    "You see that tree?". He pointed to the tree right in front of us

    "Yes, sir"

    "Count the leaves on that before I get back"


    Reecy then proceeded to go back to the staff room to have a cup of tea. Me and this other kid just looked at each other and in the moment shared a conversation in silence

    /is he on crack?

    Ok then! Well, we just sat down on the grass and chilled out. I took a blade of grass and chewed on it for about twenty minutes until my P.I.C. (partner in crime) chirped:

    "Quick, Reecy's coming back!"

    We got up. I scribbled some crayp down on the paper.

    Reecy looked me straight in the eye and asked:

    "Have you counted the leaves on that tree yet?"

    Me: "No, sir"

    Reecy: "What have you got up to?"

    Me (feigning, looking at paper): "Err, 1249, sir"

    Reecy: "Alright you can go home"

    .../what are you doing you insane nutter, this is meant to be punishment?!

    Easily, the most ridiculous detention of all time.

  2. #2
    Community Member Tscheuss's Avatar
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    Jan 2012


    Nice. Hopefully they don't spoil you too much, or you shall surely be a criminal. Perhaps I should ring the school and suggest a good flogging?

    Je ne suis pas
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  3. #3
    Founder & Hero cdbd3rd's Avatar
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    Jan 2006
    Escaping Mizzery in the Tavern Attic.


    Detention #1: Did at least try to get ya to spend a few minutes thinking outside the box. (and into the ball?) Better than caned knuckles, or grinding out rote sentences.

    So... What WERE your inside-the-ball observances?

    Detention #2: Easy. He didn't want to be there, either.
    CEO - Cupcake's Muskateers, Thelanis
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  4. #4
    Community Member
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    May 2013
    London, Great Britain


    Quote Originally Posted by cdbd3rd View Post
    So... What WERE your inside-the-ball observances?
    Gosh it was nearly 30 years ago so I can't remember all of them but it was just words like "opaque", "luminescent" and such. Mr. Heward was one of those people that had been to Woodstock in the 60's and never really gone home so it was a pretty easy detention to wiggle out of.

    One other teacher we had (nickname "Toady") gave out a rotten detention of 500 lines (serious pain, it took forever). One of the kids at the back of the class not being too impressed cursed him (using "Toady") but unfortunately loud enough for him to hear, at which point he started to yell at the kid to give him a dressing down whereupon his false teeth fell out.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tscheuss View Post
    Perhaps I should ring the school and suggest a good flogging?
    Rofl, "Mistress Tscheuss", your avatar is corrupting you

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