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  1. #41
    Scholar Of Adventure & Hero Missing_Minds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheLegendOfAra View Post
    If the adventuring party at my doorstep is being payed to kill me, pay them more to not kill me. Not everyone is lawful good.

    The given alignment of any random adventurer quickly approaches True Neutral the more platinum you offer them. I suspect this to hold true for all races, and most classes. Expect paladins. Damn Paladins.
    Quote Originally Posted by Charononus View Post
    Tell the paladin you surrender and hold up your hands, they'll have to accept and when they get close to bind your hands drive the knife that you hide up your sleeve into them. Problem solved.
    It can have less meaning than that. A lawful character, made a deal and by "law" can't go back on it. (really depends on how a DM plays alignment issues.) Good, neutral, evil.. may not really play a part into it other than normally you hire opposing "factions" as it were.

  2. #42
    Community Member redspecter23's Avatar
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    I will use every element at my disposal to remove enemy threats. Where one dragon would be destroyed and 10 titans would be a speedbump, I'll use 500 kobolds all at once. While my armies are not effected by lag in any way, the adventurers will be frozen in place while my kobold army kills them at their leisure.

    If I have access to respawning red named air elementals and choose not to use them in every encounter, it's my fault if I lose.
    Kaarloe - Degenerate Matter - Argonnessen

  3. #43
    Community Member Zhacko's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antheal View Post
    99: "Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size."

    Wow, this list is really showing its age. They should probably change that to Gb, or even Tb in a few years time.
    No, even by today's standards, you want to do exactly what it says. Think about it, where are you going to find a computer that actually has a disk drive (A:\) on it? And if you do, who out there knows DOS 6.2.2 or Assembly language?
    I am Rheinhart and Crytonian on Argonessen.

  4. #44
    Community Member Zhacko's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pooklebunny View Post
    20) When it is first reported that a group of adventurers are rampaging through my dungeon and slaughtering everyone that stands in their way, I will order every single one of my troops to fall back and protect my lair from defensible positions, all at once. The most capable subordinate will receive a rapid field promotion, and I will leave immediately.
    21b) Said most capable subordinate will be given a disguise crystal so they look exactly like me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pooklebunny View Post
    21) If a particular set of minions must die before it is possible for the adventurers to proceed to my lair and kill me, aforesaid minions will not be placed in harm's way and certainly won't be given the task of preventing the adventurers' ingress. In fact, they won't be in the dungeon at all; they'll be occupying luxury private apartments in Stormreach under assumed identities, with the very best security money can buy.
    22b) I will expressly remember not to live anywhere near Yaulthoon.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pooklebunny View Post
    22) If I can only be rendered vulnerable by the shattering of crystals or pillars, the lighting of runes or the collection of certain objects, they will not be on display in scattered locations and guarded by mooks. The very first thing I will do when constructing my lair is make sure that any such items are encased in concrete and walled in, along with the most lethal traps I can devise and an alarm system connected directly to my chamber. I will then have the entire complex plastered and wallpapered to hide any telltale sign of building work. Secret doors are for amateurs.

    23) If I am somehow confronted directly and find myself losing, I will not summon a horde of guardians, retreat to a safe spot and then come back for another go when the guardians are dead. I will instead summon a horde of guardians, retreat to a safe spot and stay there.

    23b) I will ensure that any safe spot I construct contains at least two years' worth of non-perishable rations, an equivalent amount of drinking water/molten lava/blood (according to species preference), toilet facilities, comfy furniture, puzzle books and wireless broadband.

    24) In the unlikely event of my demise, the large and conspicuous chest in my chamber will contain nothing but a notice pinned to the inside of the lid saying "So long, suckers!" and an undisarmable magical detonator that will instantly vaporise everything in a hundred-yard radius.
    24b) I will also double check to make sure that the Treasure chest is a simple box that will be disintegrated in said trap.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pooklebunny View Post
    25) Prevention is better than cure. My lair will be in the Restless Isles, and only accessible via at least 3 simultaneous lever-pulls in widely-separated areas of heavy respawns. Minions will be subject to random searches, and any found to be carrying items of use in popular crafting systems will be summarily executed. Personal treasure chests are permitted, but may ONLY contain ammunition (except for that useful in crafting), non-returnable throwing weapons and loot tinkered with by Feather of Sun. This will be advertised on billboards outside.
    25b) My minions are ABSOLUTELY NOT allowed to unionize. I do not authorize nor recognize any collective bargaining rights. Contracts are to be kept individualized, signed in blood, witnessed, and will be kept in the concrete and walled in sections of the dungeon referred to in Section 22 above.

    25b1) Any minions that attempt to or do unionize will either be sold to other demons, chopped up and used as spell components, or sent to work accounting in the Vault of Night.
    I am Rheinhart and Crytonian on Argonessen.

  5. #45
    Community Member Charononus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redspecter23 View Post
    I will use every element at my disposal to remove enemy threats. Where one dragon would be destroyed and 10 titans would be a speedbump, I'll use 500 kobolds all at once. While my armies are not effected by lag in any way, the adventurers will be frozen in place while my kobold army kills them at their leisure.

    If I have access to respawning red named air elementals and choose not to use them in every encounter, it's my fault if I lose.
    MMMmmmmhhhhh deliciously evil, 10 red named air eles with a red named beholder, they can't cast, they can't stand up and swing. My victory is assured.

  6. #46
    Who does your taxes?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zhacko View Post
    No, even by today's standards, you want to do exactly what it says. Think about it, where are you going to find a computer that actually has a disk drive (A:\) on it? And if you do, who out there knows DOS 6.2.2 or Assembly language?
    Taking me back, Zhacko, you are taking me back. I'm dating myself by saying this, but I had to learn those things when I was in college. Up until a few years ago I would have had a computer with both 5.25 and 3.5 inch disk drives too. My brother threw the thing out though without asking me if I wanted it back first. The punk.

  7. #47
    Community Member Charononus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kmankowski View Post
    Taking me back, Zhacko, you are taking me back. I'm dating myself by saying this, but I had to learn those things when I was in college. Up until a few years ago I would have had a computer with both 5.25 and 3.5 inch disk drives too. My brother threw the thing out though without asking me if I wanted it back first. The punk.
    I still have one, it attaches via a usb port. Most the time it sits in a drawer unused but it's helpful once in a blue moon.

  8. #48
    Community Member Zhacko's Avatar
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    Talking Take back the Floppy Disk!

    Quote Originally Posted by kmankowski View Post
    Taking me back, Zhacko, you are taking me back. I'm dating myself by saying this, but I had to learn those things when I was in college. Up until a few years ago I would have had a computer with both 5.25 and 3.5 inch disk drives too. My brother threw the thing out though without asking me if I wanted it back first. The punk.
    Ah, man. I feel for you. I had to learn C++, Haskell, Cobol, and Assembly during my college years. We need to bring back the 5.25" diskette. It's vintage, like vinyl.
    .
    I am Rheinhart and Crytonian on Argonessen.

  9. #49
    Community Member Charononus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zhacko View Post
    Ah, man. I feel for you. I had to learn C++, Haskell, Cobol, and Assembly during my college years. We need to bring back the 5.25" diskette. It's vintage, like vinyl.
    .
    It's artwork

  10. #50
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    I will place an irritating amount of doors, portals and other entryway-like objects as to dissipate any charges for any special abilities,

  11. #51

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    Quote Originally Posted by Thordarr View Post
    8) If I am1000 ft tall and fight adventures the size of my little toe, I will not try and poke them with one figure but rather sit on them all with my huge butt.
    "But", what if ONE survives?


    Incidentally, i'd offer free medical assistance and education. Happy Underlings are not traitor ones.

    I'd only let those happy with my regime to join my ranks. Don't want morale cases.

  12. #52
    Community Member macflanaghan's Avatar
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    I Will Not reveal my evil macinations in Any public forum where potential "adventurers" may plot and plan accordingly against me...

  13. #53
    Community Member dlsidhe's Avatar
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    If I locate an ancient document detailing an elaborate but precise ritual for achieving godhood, I will not use it. Chances are good that a group of do-gooders or a rival evil organization is aware of the ritual, and will already be on the lookout for any signs someone is attempting it. I will instead use innovative means of achieving purely temporal authority via innocuous actions.
    Thelanis - Dragons of the Shire
    Naeryna (Sun Elf 24 FvS Evoker) // Dianocia (Drow 22 Warlock) // Valissia (Drow 21 Shiradi Druid)
    Nae haz a story. Go read it.

  14. #54
    Community Member Philibusta's Avatar
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    I will by no means ever befriend/ally myself with/hire any Sahaugin, ever. I am still in therapy from the whole "we beat them off this time" incident (I still cannot bring myself to enjoy a nice grilled piece of fish), and I am determined it will never be repeated.
    Last edited by Philibusta; 07-20-2013 at 06:02 PM.
    All that is wrong with DDO, life, taxes, poltics, religion, music, fast food, education, the criminal justice system, the weather, society, the universe, and previously-discontinued-but-now-on-their-way-back snack cakes, is all the fault of Wizards of the Coast. I know this because Fred told me so, and Mind Flayers are smart.

  15. #55
    Community Member Vellrad's Avatar
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    I will hire caster with mordedakin's disjunction before attempting to banish adventurers back to their home plane.
    Quote Originally Posted by Originally Posted by Random Person #2 View Post
    People who exploit bugs in code are cheaters cheaters cheaters. And they are big fat ****yheads too.

  16. #56
    Community Member dlsidhe's Avatar
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    When hiring kobolds, remember they always hate you, too. Make sure they hate your attackers more.
    Thelanis - Dragons of the Shire
    Naeryna (Sun Elf 24 FvS Evoker) // Dianocia (Drow 22 Warlock) // Valissia (Drow 21 Shiradi Druid)
    Nae haz a story. Go read it.

  17. #57
    Devhatchery Melange's Avatar
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    I will build sections of my dungeon that can only be traversed while dead. I will have minions on both sides of these sections that can cast true resurrection. I will not have any resurrection shrines.

  18. #58
    Community Member Ungood's Avatar
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    (Ad infinitum) I will TR just one more time before I try to take over the world.....

  19. #59
    Community Member knightgf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melange View Post
    I will build sections of my dungeon that can only be traversed while dead. I will have minions on both sides of these sections that can cast true resurrection. I will not have any resurrection shrines.
    Oh, that reminds me of Prince of Persia 2, where in order to advance the story, you have to die, and even then, there's a chance your character will die again while dead via falling.

    But on a serious note, there's no way that'll fly in a actual DDO dungeon. That whole '2 planes' deal was bad in Necropolis IV with its confusing layout, this would only be worse. Besides, you cannot attack while dead.
    Here's a riddle for you: What do you call people who play the game for only a day and apparently know everything?

  20. #60
    Community Member HatsuharuZ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melange View Post
    I will build sections of my dungeon that can only be traversed while dead. I will have minions on both sides of these sections that can cast true resurrection. I will not have any resurrection shrines.
    Furthermore, all of my clerics will cast Death Pact before engaging any pesky adventurers.

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