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  1. #21
    Community Member TheLegendOfAra's Avatar
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    When my minions have all died, I will not rush out to meet my foes in melee range. I will instead cast my spells from afar, raining death and candy from above.

    If the adventuring party at my doorstep is being payed to kill me, pay them more to not kill me. Not everyone is lawful good.

    The given alignment of any random adventurer quickly approaches True Neutral the more platinum you offer them. I suspect this to hold true for all races, and most classes. Expect paladins. Damn Paladins.
    Araphina Skycrow - 15Paladin/3Ranger/2Fighter (Life 8/25) 5xRanger, 3xPaladin
    Araphell - Arasin - Arathaes - Arawyn - Aravein
    Guild: Fors Fortis;Guild of Won, & VENOM @ Argo
    "And we learn, as we age; We've learned nothing! And my body still aches."

  2. #22
    Community Member Charononus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheLegendOfAra View Post
    When my minions have all died, I will not rush out to meet my foes in melee range. I will instead cast my spells from afar, raining death and candy from above.

    If the adventuring party at my doorstep is being payed to kill me, pay them more to not kill me. Not everyone is lawful good.

    The given alignment of any random adventurer quickly approaches True Neutral the more platinum you offer them. I suspect this to hold true for all races, and most classes. Expect paladins. Damn Paladins.
    Tell the paladin you surrender and hold up your hands, they'll have to accept and when they get close to bind your hands drive the knife that you hide up your sleeve into them. Problem solved.

  3. #23
    Community Member dlsidhe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheLegendOfAra View Post
    The given alignment of any random adventurer quickly approaches True Neutral the more platinum you offer them. I suspect this to hold true for all races, and most classes. Expect paladins. Damn Paladins.
    Lawful Good doesn't always mean lawful nice, or awfully smart.

    19) Exploit weaknesses. If a paladin is good-hearted but dumb, convince them of your own righteousness and turn them against their friends. If they turn on you at that point, however, kill them immediately - they know too much.
    Thelanis - Dragons of the Shire
    Naeryna (Sun Elf 24 FvS Evoker) // Dianocia (Drow 11 Buckler o' Swashes) // Valissia (Elf 22 Shiradi Druid)
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  4. #24
    Community Member AzB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheLegendOfAra View Post

    The given alignment of any random adventurer quickly approaches True Neutral the more platinum you offer them. I suspect this to hold true for all races, and most classes. Expect paladins. Damn Paladins.

    While pallys may not be bribeable, they will jump at the chance to swim through lava, run through pointy things, and fight dragons singlehandedly in order to save a damsel in distress. So for them, just go kidnap a waitress from the Leaky Dinghy and suspend her in a cage over a pit of acid surrounded by dragons, hezrou, and lots of pointy things.

  5. #25
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    I will never ever agian try to invade stormreach unless i have the same amount of ubergeared maniacs at hand that can shred an army within seconds
    Thelanis: Errtu-1, Cherubael, Nararian, Seyria, Yarrrkk, Apothecarius, Tarcus-1, Kheradruakh, Evesor, Experimentum

  6. #26
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    20) When it is first reported that a group of adventurers are rampaging through my dungeon and slaughtering everyone that stands in their way, I will order every single one of my troops to fall back and protect my lair from defensible positions, all at once. The most capable subordinate will receive a rapid field promotion, and I will leave immediately.

    21) If a particular set of minions must die before it is possible for the adventurers to proceed to my lair and kill me, aforesaid minions will not be placed in harm's way and certainly won't be given the task of preventing the adventurers' ingress. In fact, they won't be in the dungeon at all; they'll be occupying luxury private apartments in Stormreach under assumed identities, with the very best security money can buy.

    22) If I can only be rendered vulnerable by the shattering of crystals or pillars, the lighting of runes or the collection of certain objects, they will not be on display in scattered locations and guarded by mooks. The very first thing I will do when constructing my lair is make sure that any such items are encased in concrete and walled in, along with the most lethal traps I can devise and an alarm system connected directly to my chamber. I will then have the entire complex plastered and wallpapered to hide any telltale sign of building work. Secret doors are for amateurs.

    23) If I am somehow confronted directly and find myself losing, I will not summon a horde of guardians, retreat to a safe spot and then come back for another go when the guardians are dead. I will instead summon a horde of guardians, retreat to a safe spot and stay there.

    23b) I will ensure that any safe spot I construct contains at least two years' worth of non-perishable rations, an equivalent amount of drinking water/molten lava/blood (according to species preference), toilet facilities, comfy furniture, puzzle books and wireless broadband.

    24) In the unlikely event of my demise, the large and conspicuous chest in my chamber will contain nothing but a notice pinned to the inside of the lid saying "So long, suckers!" and an undisarmable magical detonator that will instantly vaporise everything in a hundred-yard radius.

    25) Prevention is better than cure. My lair will be in the Restless Isles, and only accessible via at least 3 simultaneous lever-pulls in widely-separated areas of heavy respawns. Minions will be subject to random searches, and any found to be carrying items of use in popular crafting systems will be summarily executed. Personal treasure chests are permitted, but may ONLY contain ammunition (except for that useful in crafting), non-returnable throwing weapons and loot tinkered with by Feather of Sun. This will be advertised on billboards outside.
    Last edited by Pooklebunny; 07-15-2013 at 08:37 AM.
    I'm a snuggly, fluffy, cuddly-wuddly little rabbit.

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  7. #27
    The Hatchery Theender's Avatar
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    26) When pretending to be a good guy assisting the heroes in their adventure. Avoid calling myself "Coyle". It apparently creates an unnatural, inherent despise and loath in the eyes of the heroes. To the extreme cases where these so-called "heroes" will knock me out every time I try and assist them. These repetitive bludgeonings to my head makes it rather tough to carry out any further devious plans.


    27) While ascending to Godhood, remember the little things that need cleaning up. Who knows what the heroes are capable of with a pair of goggles, a few wands and some hand-sized asteroids.


    28) Mind controlling a dragon can be pretty straight forward with a Mindsunder by your side. Just make sure to not leave it on a ledge somewhere. A stupid minion or a lucky would-be hero might just knock it off said ledge. I should invest in some of House Cannith's turrets too. That should keep the mindsunder safe from any danger.

  8. #28
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    29) I will use "talk to/enslave denizens of the afterlife" style spells to chat with the black abbot, and learn how to inferno. I will then spam it forever. I will literally walk around as a pile of hp and cursed flames.

  9. #29
    Scholar Of Adventure & Hero Missing_Minds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Garix View Post
    5 I will only hire intelligent minions. All those who have an average IQ lower than yeast will be used for target practise.
    Issue. Undead minions.

    You may want to upgrade target practice to "cannon fodder" and nothing further important.

  10. #30
    Scholar Of Adventure & Hero Missing_Minds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Theender View Post
    28) Mind controlling a dragon can be pretty straight forward with a Mindsunder by your side. Just make sure to not leave it on a ledge somewhere. A stupid minion or a lucky would-be hero might just knock it off said ledge. I should invest in some of House Cannith's turrets too. That should keep the mindsunder safe from any danger.
    30) When installing House Cannith turrets, place the control box not in easy access or sight of controlled turret. However, due to Cannith control interface design this may not always be feasible. In such cases multiple turrets must be installed with a minimum of three cannons able to target one control box at a given moment.

  11. #31
    2015 DDO Players Council
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    31. Pertaining to inner circles: I must have a completely dedicated inner circle, of whom, I will not share my innermost evil plots with; but, will use their plots and plans to control their efforts through manipulation, intimidation, extortion, and coercion to achieve my own objectives. I will always have a plan to control my inner circle, and will be twice as brutal and cruel as necessary to keep them in compliance. I will keep all inner circle members oblivious to one another, as the more contact they have, or knowledge of each other, will greatly increase the possibility of unity or revolt. No.. They will remain separate, and unwittingly manipulated independently to achieve my objectives.
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  12. #32
    The Hatchery danotmano1998's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pooklebunny View Post
    20)

    24) In the unlikely event of my demise, the large and conspicuous chest in my chamber will contain nothing but a notice pinned to the inside of the lid saying "So long, suckers!" and an undisarmable magical detonator that will instantly vaporise everything in a hundred-yard radius.
    Hilarious! Thanks for that one.
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    Dude, did you see they way that guy just pressed button 1? It was amazing! A display of skill unseen since the 1984 World Games where in the men's room, between events, a man washed his hands with such unbridled majesty that people were claiming the faucet he used was OP.

  13. #33
    Founder Alavatar's Avatar
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    Practice my dungeon designs through simulation.
    Inferus Sus Thelanis; Primary Bodies:
    Adamantbody, Brassbody, Carbonbody, Ironbody, Uraniumbody
    Body Designer: Bodybuilder 20 Artificer

  14. #34
    Community Member TheLegendOfAra's Avatar
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    In the event of my death, I will have a cleric waiting safely at the local inn, under an assumed name, patiently waiting 3-5 business days to make his way through my evil fortress conquered by the adventurers to raise me in peace. I will NOT have him in the room hiding behind a secret door...
    Araphina Skycrow - 15Paladin/3Ranger/2Fighter (Life 8/25) 5xRanger, 3xPaladin
    Araphell - Arasin - Arathaes - Arawyn - Aravein
    Guild: Fors Fortis;Guild of Won, & VENOM @ Argo
    "And we learn, as we age; We've learned nothing! And my body still aches."

  15. #35
    Community Member Charononus's Avatar
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    My phylactery will not be right next to me for the adventurers to easily destroy if they defeat me. It will be hidden far away in a safe location so that I can rise again.

  16. #36
    Community Member TheLegendOfAra's Avatar
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    I will not drink anything offered to me by an adventurer. No matter how Distraught I may be about my evil schemes falling through. I will instead cast DDoor, and make my escape.

    During my escape I will not stop to swear vengeance upon my foes. This always gets you killed. I will instead prepare a sticker with my vow before hand, to be stuck to the nearest applicable surace on my way out.
    Araphina Skycrow - 15Paladin/3Ranger/2Fighter (Life 8/25) 5xRanger, 3xPaladin
    Araphell - Arasin - Arathaes - Arawyn - Aravein
    Guild: Fors Fortis;Guild of Won, & VENOM @ Argo
    "And we learn, as we age; We've learned nothing! And my body still aches."

  17. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheLegendOfAra View Post
    I will instead cast DDoor, and make my escape.
    Can monsters cast DDoor in dungeons? Isnt that, like, a public area to them?

  18. #38
    Scholar Of Adventure & Hero Missing_Minds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by droid327 View Post
    Can monsters cast DDoor in dungeons? Isnt that, like, a public area to them?
    Happens in the current live pre-shadow fell quests. 2nd quest as I recall. Just has to be part of the script.

  19. #39
    Community Member TheLegendOfAra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by droid327 View Post
    Can monsters cast DDoor in dungeons? Isnt that, like, a public area to them?
    You need to read Order of the Stick
    Araphina Skycrow - 15Paladin/3Ranger/2Fighter (Life 8/25) 5xRanger, 3xPaladin
    Araphell - Arasin - Arathaes - Arawyn - Aravein
    Guild: Fors Fortis;Guild of Won, & VENOM @ Argo
    "And we learn, as we age; We've learned nothing! And my body still aches."

  20. #40
    Community Member HatsuharuZ's Avatar
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    I will make sure that even the lowest-ranked of my minions has taken one level of fighter. That way my melee types won't be fighting adventurers while wearing robes and wielding sickles.

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