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Thread: Joke Weapons?

  1. #1
    Community Member ~ForgettableNPC's Avatar
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    Default Joke Weapons?

    Well, since now I can post in the forums again, I wanted to put out something that's been in my mind for a long time:

    Joke Weapons.

    I don't know how everyone might take this, so I'm going to put out the specs for my first idea off the bat.

    First idea: A Healing Shiv that heals your enemies instead of damaging them; hitting them for positive energy.

    Possible Names:

    Healing Shiv
    Positive Energy Dagger
    Healing Shiv of Healingness

    Weapon Type: Dagger
    Damage: 1d4 - 1 Pierce

    Enchantments:

    -1: This weapon is less well-made than normal, giving a -1 penalty to attack and damage rolls.

    Healing (Cooler name to replace later): This weapon is sheathed in positive energy. A healing weapon deals an extra 2 to 12 damage of positive energy damage on a successful hit.

    Description:

    This poorly-made, handcrafted shiv channels positive energy to heal those you damage with this very weapon. What use could you possibly have for a weapon that HEALS your enemies, anyway? Heal your enemies to death? Ridiculous.

    May think up more joke weapons later, depending on how the response is for this one here.

  2. #2
    Hatchery Hero BOgre's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ForgettableNPC View Post
    Well, since now I can post in the forums again, I wanted to put out something that's been in my mind for a long time:

    Joke Weapons.

    I don't know how everyone might take this, so I'm going to put out the specs for my first idea off the bat.

    First idea: A Healing Shiv that heals your enemies instead of damaging them; hitting them for positive energy.

    Possible Names:

    Healing Shiv
    Positive Energy Dagger
    Healing Shiv of Healingness

    Weapon Type: Dagger
    Damage: 1d4 - 1 Pierce

    Enchantments:

    -1: This weapon is less well-made than normal, giving a -1 penalty to attack and damage rolls.

    Healing (Cooler name to replace later): This weapon is sheathed in positive energy. A healing weapon deals an extra 2 to 12 damage of positive energy damage on a successful hit.

    Description:

    This poorly-made, handcrafted shiv channels positive energy to heal those you damage with this very weapon. What use could you possibly have for a weapon that HEALS your enemies, anyway? Heal your enemies to death? Ridiculous.

    May think up more joke weapons later, depending on how the response is for this one here.
    Make it a Vicious and you've got a winner
    Quote Originally Posted by Towrn
    ...when the worst thing that happens when you make a mistake at your job is someone complains on the internet, you probably care a little less!

  3. #3
    Community Member ~ForgettableNPC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BOgre View Post
    Make it a Vicious and you've got a winner
    Why Vicious?

  4. #4
    The Hatchery Enoach's Avatar
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    First vicious would mean that the wielder would take damage on every hit as well.

    Second while this might not be a good weapon for living foes, it still makes this a situational weapon for the undead ones.

    Next, people have been "Healing" foes for a long time with the weapons and attack spells they currently have:

    Such as:
    1. Fire on an Iron Golem
    2. {Insert Element} on an {Insert Element} Based Creature
    3. Lightning on Certain creatures, such as some Iron Defender types

    A good joke weapon would be one that polymorph's what it hits with the potential of making it Stronger than it already is or grants the foe hit temporary hit points.

    However, I've always enjoyed the Dwarven Axe of Halfling Bane RR Halfling myself.

  5. #5
    Developer Vargouille's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ForgettableNPC View Post
    Healing (Cooler name to replace later): This weapon is sheathed in positive energy. A healing weapon deals an extra 2 to 12 damage of positive energy damage on a successful hit.
    Weapons that are only truly useful vs. Undead?

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    Oh, how about a weapon that buffs the enemy. Gives them haste, rage, GH and resists for a set period of time.

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    Community Member ~ForgettableNPC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Enoach View Post
    A good joke weapon would be one that polymorph's what it hits with the potential of making it Stronger than it already is or grants the foe hit temporary hit points.
    Well, this is only the first of a few ideas; that's why I need the forum people to help me fine-tune it. Maybe I could add in the temporary hit point effect you mentioned to occur on vorpal strikes. Maybe. That or hit the foe with the Heal spell, but that kinda seems a bit too ridiculous.

  8. #8
    Community Member ~ForgettableNPC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AlteredState View Post
    Oh, how about a weapon that buffs the enemy. Gives them haste, rage, GH and resists for a set period of time.
    How about the direct opposite of that? A weapon that gives you so many passive debuffs just by holding it. Like Unbalancing or Unwieldy, but consisting of all other negative effects, and having no positive aspect whatsoever?

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    Community Member ~ForgettableNPC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vargouille View Post
    Weapons that are only truly useful vs. Undead?
    And not useful in the slightest to anything else. (Even if it might seem useful to undead, it's going to take some time to bring down some decent undead enemies. Imagine fighting the Warden from Prison of the Planes by 2 to 12 damage at a time.)

    Besides, we have almost every elemental enchantment from Cold Touch to Boreal, Force to Impellent, and even Flaming to Conflagration. So why not positive energy? I think it could be a good opportunity to experiment.
    Last edited by ForgettableNPC; 04-30-2013 at 07:05 PM.

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    Frying Pan and Giant Frying Pan. These are one-handed and two-handed weapons, respectively. They both proc Grease on critical hits.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hatsu View Post
    Frying Pan and Giant Frying Pan. These are one-handed and two-handed weapons, respectively. They both proc Grease on critical hits.
    Indeed. They should totally add House Dun'Robar Matron's rolling pin as well. This one should have a cause fear effect, no save, but that can only proc on drow males that have drunk pots in the last 10 minutes.

  12. #12
    Community Member ~swimmingjellycube's Avatar
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    Unhappy Siegebreaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Hatsu View Post
    Frying Pan and Giant Frying Pan. These are one-handed and two-handed weapons, respectively. They both proc Grease on critical hits.
    One of the Orange Named bosses in Siegebreaker (the end quest of attack on stormreach) attacks you with a frying pan, and casts grease.

    We don't get his weapon as loot though

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    Community Member Trillea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by swimmingjellycube View Post
    One of the Orange Named bosses in Siegebreaker (the end quest of attack on stormreach) attacks you with a frying pan, and casts grease.

    We don't get his weapon as loot though
    This must be fixed immediately! DEVS! Get to work!
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  14. #14
    The Hatchery SisAmethyst's Avatar
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    We already have weapons like that, e.g. from the Harbinger of Madness serie the polycurse dagger that not only curse the enemy but may also curse you. Same for the armor. Even the Bloodrage Symbiont come with -2 Con and -2 will save. However the current ultimate joke weapon is probably the silver flame club of the delera chain...
    * We have collectable bags, hell even hireling folders, but can I have that 6-pack for my potions please?
    * Having already a past life on the dieng EU servers, I rerolled here and started from scratch as I like the game and the community, so lets see what awaits me here

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    Community Member Kilbar's Avatar
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    The Elyd Edge rapier is an anagram of Geddy Lee, the singer for Rush. Create another anagram weapon using Bruce ****inson's name. Bruce, the singer from Iron Maiden, is nicknamed the "Air Raid Siren" due to his powerful vocals. So give the new weapon a bunch of sonic effects and Air Raid Siren: On Vorpal this weapon emits an ear-shattering wail that instantly raises the Dungeon Alert by one level as all nearby enemies heed the call to arms.

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    Frying Pan and Giant Frying Pan. These are one-handed and two-handed weapons, respectively. They both proc Grease on critical hits.
    yes !

    Indeed. They should totally add House Dun'Robar Matron's rolling pin as well. This one should have a cause fear effect, no save, but that can only proc on drow males that have drunk pots in the last 10 minutes.
    excelent !

    pnp had the dancing blade (which was usefull link)
    how about the singing weapon

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    Quote Originally Posted by ForgettableNPC View Post
    How about the direct opposite of that? A weapon that gives you so many passive debuffs just by holding it. Like Unbalancing or Unwieldy, but consisting of all other negative effects, and having no positive aspect whatsoever?
    Well, using the weapon causes you to be a detriment to the rest of the party as well. Although to be fair on the surface it would have to be a pretty good weapon with a low chance to proc the effect buffing the monster so player would actually want to use it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kilbar View Post
    Create another anagram weapon using Bruce ****inson's name.
    How do I turn off the content filter as I'm not 8 years old?

  19. #19
    The Hatchery DarkForte's Avatar
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    No thanks. The devs already give us enough joke items as raid/ee loot
    Nerdrage/Endgame ~ Sarlona
    Ekkehart (human PM) - Hammet (WF AM) - Cerussite (helf THF kensei) - Anordineth (helf dark monk)
    Buy my stuff!

  20. #20
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    The Healy Stick!

    Class Required: Barbarian

    club

    dmg = positive (like a flame blade!)

    uses 3 * str mod

    turns friendly fire on

    can be dual wielded (so if you toss a really dangerous 1 handed wep in main hand and healy stick in off hand. . .)

    metalline
    aligned

    watch your barbarian friend HEAL EVERYTHING WITH SUPREME CLEAVE!

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