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Thread: Jokes

  1. #1
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    Wink Jokes

    Jerry Seinfeld was invited to a Left Handed Convention to conduct a seminar about left-handedness. He prepares his speech and arrives at the gig but to his horror the place is empty, nobody is there. In a panic, thinking he has gone to the wrong gig he finds a security guard and asks:

    Seinfeld: "Excuse me, is this the Left Handed Convention?"

    Security Guard: "Yes sir, this is the Left Handed Convention, don't worry you're in the right place"

    Seinfeld: "But I'm meant to be delivering a speech to nearly a thousand people in about ten minutes and the place is empty, what happened to everyone?"

    Security Guard: "They left"

  2. #2
    Founder & Hero cdbd3rd's Avatar
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    That was Seinfeld??

    Hmm. He's usually funny...
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    Community Member MalkavianX's Avatar
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    My wife got out of the shower yestersay and said to me, "Honey... I shaved my legs, you know what that means...".

    I replied, " You damn right I do! The drain's clogged again!"






    (In the original way it was told, it wasn't her "legs")

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    Quote Originally Posted by cdbd3rd View Post
    That was Seinfeld??
    Yep, he told it on a chat show and claimed it was the first joke he ever wrote. Here's one of mine which you might find more amusing:

    Ed: So what do you call yours then?
    Bob: No idea what you are talking about.
    Ed: Your *****. Every man has a name for his *****.
    Bob: I don't have a name for my *****, why what do you call yours?
    Ed: Lenny. Lenny the Lion of course, what else would you call a *****?
    (yelling in the distance) CDBD3RD!

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    Quote Originally Posted by MalkavianX View Post
    My wife got out of the shower yestersay and said to me, "Honey... I shaved my legs, you know what that means...".

    I replied, " You damn right I do! The drain's clogged again!"

    (In the original way it was told, it wasn't her "legs")
    Laugh. Either that or the milkman is coming round tomorrow morning!

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by cdbd3rd View Post
    That was Seinfeld??

    Hmm. He's usually funny...
    LIES !!!
    He's about as funny as Paul Reiser.
    Seriously, he blows.
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    Founder & Hero cdbd3rd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aolas View Post
    ....
    (yelling in the distance) CDBD3RD!

    LOL! I see what you di...


    Hey. Wait a second......




    Quote Originally Posted by Aolas View Post
    Laugh. Either that or the milkman is coming round tomorrow morning!
    Someone rang for the professional dairy product distributor?

    Last edited by cdbd3rd; 09-05-2013 at 05:20 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by cdbd3rd View Post
    [IMG]Hey. Wait a second......
    Phew! Glad you liked it. Found a cute Star Wars joke on the net today:

    Luke and Obi Wan Kenobi are eating in a Chinese Restaurant and Luke is having trouble. Seeing his young apprentice struggling with his noodles, Obi Wan rests his hand on his shoulder and says,

    "Use the forks, Luke"

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    Community Member schelsullivan's Avatar
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    Whats brown and sticky all over?


    ::wait for it::
    Last edited by schelsullivan; 09-24-2013 at 11:31 AM.

  10. #10
    Community Member schelsullivan's Avatar
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    a stick

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    What goes in your mouth hard and dry, but comes out soft and sticky?
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    Chewing gum.
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    Default :d

    I don't drive and I was walking home from work the other day and passed two canibals sitting on the side of the road eating a clown. That's right a freakin' clown.

    As I was passing them by I couldn't believe what I heard. The bigger canibal leaned over and said to the other, "Hey, does this taste funny to you?"

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    Community Member zDragonz's Avatar
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    There is 12 apples on a tree and 3 people. Each takes one, then there is 11, how can this be?

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    Community Member zDragonz's Avatar
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    One of the people is named, Each.

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    Community Member zDragonz's Avatar
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    Cool

    Ok try this one. Take a deck of cards and tell another person to pick a a card. Then ask them to tell you what it is. They will look puzzled at first, but just tell them it is part of the trick. Then ask them to show you the card.

    Then say this to them, "Yep, you're right".

    It is so stupid it is funny!

  17. #17
    Community Member zDragonz's Avatar
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    Super Glue a quarter to the floor at work where there is a lot of traffic.

    Super Glue a Soda Can on a desk to trap the person at the office who must always collect cans. The one you caught pouring out your soda to collect the can.
    Last edited by zDragonz; 12-02-2013 at 09:14 PM.

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