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ForgettableNPC
09-04-2013, 02:04 PM
For those of you who kindly took the time to read this thread from a long, long, LONG time ago.

https://www.ddo.com/forums/showthread.php/415727-Joke-Weapons

(Same person, different account because for some unexplained reason)

May remember the "Healing Shiv" joke weapon idea. Some of you may have liked it, some of you may went "Oh, in the name of the Dark Six, why!?"

I have another idea that I remembered but didn't take the time to post it on the forums. And here it is.

Basically, think of it as a Potion of Wonder in item form that can be recharged.


Name: Shtick Stick

Weapon Type: Club, Scepter, Wand or Quarterstaff

Damage: 1d1 - 1 Bludgeoning (If not wand)

Enchantments:

(First, the obvious because I think every joke weapon needs one)
-1: This weapon is less well-made than normal, giving a -1 penalty to attack and damage rolls. (If not wand)


Wondrous Power:

10 Charges (Recharged/Day: 10)

(Maybe 5 charges depending)


Random effects include, but are not limited to (Some of these are taken from Potion of Wonder effects, apparently, I have never seen a Potion of Wonder summon a Tasty Ham):

Kills you with Fire
The effect you would've gained from drinking a Xorian Cider, but with higher Fortitude DC.
Summon a Tasty Ham in front of you
Summon Whirling Blades (Or as I like to call it, Spinny Blade Whirlwind of Death)
Same effect as Summon Unknown Monster I.
Same effect as Summon Nature's Ally I
Blinds you
Paralyzes you
Curses you
Kills you with Cold
Inflicts you with a random disease
Inflicts you with a random poison
Forces you to dance
Forces you to cower in fear
Gives you Heroism effect
Gives you Heroes' Feast effect
Casts Grease under your feet
Gives you a pumpkin head
Gives you a skull head
Casts Cure Critical Wounds on you
Casts Inflict Critical Wounds on you
Inflicts you with the same effect you would've had if you stepped in the (Very) Public Restroom from Siegebreaker
Makes you invisible
Kills you with Acid
Hits you with Fiery Inferno
Hits you with Creeping Cold
Hits you with Eladar's Electric Surge
Hits you with Acid Breath
Enveloping Swarm damaging effect
Trips you
Stuns you
Summons a CR1 Gray Ooze
Feather Fall
Water Breathing
Kills you with Lightning
Summons the Cake Djinni who will say "What, you called me out when there's no cake? Well, this was a waste of time!" when interacted with
Summons a Kobold
Turns you into a Kobold
Turns you into a Taken
Turns you into a Troglodyte
Turns you into a Beholder
Turns you into a Human
Turns you into a Halfling
Turns you into a Dwarf
Turns you into an Elf
Turns you into a Warforged
Turns you into a Half-Orc
Turns you into a Spider
Sets a Fire Trap under you
Hits you with Cometfall
Conjures up 100 Bolts
Conjures up 100 Arrows
Causes a fiery explosion that ultimately, does nothing and is just for show
Spawns a Dirty Kobold in your inventory
Spawns a Cornmeal Porridge in your inventory
Kills you with Sonic
Kills you by removing your brain
Kills you with a Death Effect
Kills you instantly with no save or spell resistance
Spawns a Broccoli (Acts like Tasty Ham, but with SP. Possible item idea)
Casts Otto's Dancing Sphere (Also known as Disco Ball)
Your health instantly drops down to 0
You become Feebleminded
You get hit with Haste
Spawns 20 Gold in front of you
You get Bad Luck (-1 to all skills and saves for the duration. Possible effect)
You get Worst. Luck. Ever. (-2 to all skills and saves for the duration. Possible effect)
Brawnpits' Stew effect
You suddenly get sent back flying for no apparent reason (Beholder Telekinesis effect)
You become petrified
Dispels all buffs from you (Not the airship ones)
Bees of Xoriat
Puts you into a Rage
Puts you into a Madstone Rage
Gives you 1000 Temporary Hitpoints...then kills you for no apparent reason
You die of dysentery
Makes a random noise
Hits you with a Mnemonic Enhancement effect
Wait, what just happened? (-20 to all skills for 3 seconds. Possible effect)
You get hit with Cursed Wound
You get hit with Deadly Spider Venom
You get hit with Searing Light
You get hit with Taint of Shavarath until you die
You get hit with Sleep
You get hit with Disintegrate
Nothing happens. Try again.

Description: This frail, unstable wooden stick seems to harbor some "interesting" magical qualities...wait, is that a beholder eyestalk in its socket? Ew, gross.

Marewood
09-06-2013, 02:56 AM
For those of you who kindly took the time to read this thread from a long, long, LONG time ago.

https://www.ddo.com/forums/showthread.php/415727-Joke-Weapons

(Same person, different account because for some unexplained reason)

May remember the "Healing Shiv" joke weapon idea. Some of you may have liked it, some of you may went "Oh, in the name of the Dark Six, why!?"

I have another idea that I remembered but didn't take the time to post it on the forums. And here it is.

Basically, think of it as a Potion of Wonder in item form that can be recharged.


Name: Shtick Stick

Weapon Type: Club, Scepter, Wand or Quarterstaff

Damage: 1d1 - 1 Bludgeoning (If not wand)

Enchantments:

(First, the obvious because I think every joke weapon needs one)
-1: This weapon is less well-made than normal, giving a -1 penalty to attack and damage rolls. (If not wand)


Wondrous Power:

10 Charges (Recharged/Day: 10)

(Maybe 5 charges depending)


Random effects include, but are not limited to (Some of these are taken from Potion of Wonder effects, apparently, I have never seen a Potion of Wonder summon a Tasty Ham):

Kills you with Fire
The effect you would've gained from drinking a Xorian Cider, but with higher Fortitude DC.
Summon a Tasty Ham in front of you
Summon Whirling Blades (Or as I like to call it, Spinny Blade Whirlwind of Death)
Same effect as Summon Unknown Monster I.
Same effect as Summon Nature's Ally I
Blinds you
Paralyzes you
Curses you
Kills you with Cold
Inflicts you with a random disease
Inflicts you with a random poison
Forces you to dance
Forces you to cower in fear
Gives you Heroism effect
Gives you Heroes' Feast effect
Casts Grease under your feet
Gives you a pumpkin head
Gives you a skull head
Casts Cure Critical Wounds on you
Casts Inflict Critical Wounds on you
Inflicts you with the same effect you would've had if you stepped in the (Very) Public Restroom from Siegebreaker
Makes you invisible
Kills you with Acid
Hits you with Fiery Inferno
Hits you with Creeping Cold
Hits you with Eladar's Electric Surge
Hits you with Acid Breath
Enveloping Swarm damaging effect
Trips you
Stuns you
Summons a CR1 Gray Ooze
Feather Fall
Water Breathing
Kills you with Lightning
Summons the Cake Djinni who will say "What, you called me out when there's no cake? Well, this was a waste of time!" when interacted with
Summons a Kobold
Turns you into a Kobold
Turns you into a Taken
Turns you into a Troglodyte
Turns you into a Beholder
Turns you into a Human
Turns you into a Halfling
Turns you into a Dwarf
Turns you into an Elf
Turns you into a Warforged
Turns you into a Half-Orc
Turns you into a Spider
Sets a Fire Trap under you
Hits you with Cometfall
Conjures up 100 Bolts
Conjures up 100 Arrows
Causes a fiery explosion that ultimately, does nothing and is just for show
Spawns a Dirty Kobold in your inventory
Spawns a Cornmeal Porridge in your inventory
Kills you with Sonic
Kills you by removing your brain
Kills you with a Death Effect
Kills you instantly with no save or spell resistance
Spawns a Broccoli (Acts like Tasty Ham, but with SP. Possible item idea)
Casts Otto's Dancing Sphere (Also known as Disco Ball)
Your health instantly drops down to 0
You become Feebleminded
You get hit with Haste
Spawns 20 Gold in front of you
You get Bad Luck (-1 to all skills and saves for the duration. Possible effect)
You get Worst. Luck. Ever. (-2 to all skills and saves for the duration. Possible effect)
Brawnpits' Stew effect
You suddenly get sent back flying for no apparent reason (Beholder Telekinesis effect)
You become petrified
Dispels all buffs from you (Not the airship ones)
Bees of Xoriat
Puts you into a Rage
Puts you into a Madstone Rage
Gives you 1000 Temporary Hitpoints...then kills you for no apparent reason
You die of dysentery
Makes a random noise
Hits you with a Mnemonic Enhancement effect
Wait, what just happened? (-20 to all skills for 3 seconds. Possible effect)
You get hit with Cursed Wound
You get hit with Deadly Spider Venom
You get hit with Searing Light
You get hit with Taint of Shavarath until you die
You get hit with Sleep
You get hit with Disintegrate
Nothing happens. Try again.

Description: This frail, unstable wooden stick seems to harbor some "interesting" magical qualities...wait, is that a beholder eyestalk in its socket? Ew, gross.

I would love to see those ugly Helfs turned into WF so
/signed