View Full Version : The Moon Breaker

04-16-2012, 07:14 AM
So, I'm writing a novel based on DDO.

It is not finished yet but I am looking for some feedback on whether or not it is worth finishing. It has taken a long time to get this far (I've spent a ton of time mapping the outline) and I'm starting to think I need to focus on something more commerciallly viable. Sadly, fan fiction has such a poor reputation that I've been unable to get much response from peer review writing sites.

In any case, it has been fun working on it and good practice.

The few people who have read it haven't made it to chapter 3 so I'm starting to suspect the navigation might be confusing. Or maybe it's the writing...

So, if you are bored at work, can't play DDO and don't mind giving some constructive feedback, hit the link in my Sig.


04-16-2012, 11:20 AM
One thing to consider...

I know you are trying to make things more interesting through adjectives, but readers like to be allowed to read between the lines. We can infer that pebbles are tiny, that doorways in a ruined fortress that has already been described as crumbling are probably crumbling, etc. Expressive dialogue tags can be dangerous, too. "Said" or no tag at all is sufficient for most cases; if you use "cried", "introduced", etc. too many times it feels like the author is injecting drama into the words rather than letting the content be dramatic.

04-16-2012, 01:11 PM
Thank you for your time, I really appreciate it. With so little interest, I probably ought to focus on projects that might earn an income in the future. It is hard to be objective about your own work but I had hoped some people who knew the game might find it entertaining.

It's been a learning experience, that is for sure. Thanks again.

04-16-2012, 01:21 PM
Well, I think it's too early to give up on it.

I believe the lack of interest is likely due to the fact that you have posted in the screenshots/fanart section of the forum and not a lot of people check this section, even though it might be the most appropriate place for it.

I am interested in taking a look but will have to do it later tonight. Hang in there!

04-16-2012, 01:27 PM
Id have to say it could be awesome if you finsih it, dont give up on it yet!

I read the preface, kept me interested :D

04-16-2012, 06:44 PM
I have read about 5 chapters so far and I like it. I don't think it's overly descriptive. Keep up the good work! http://i1072.photobucket.com/albums/w378/galeriaddo/read.gif

04-17-2012, 03:49 AM
i just found this thread, only because it showed up when i clicked 'new posts'. so i haven had time to read your material.

you may want to try to get a mention in the ebberon chronicle and/or the ddocast

04-17-2012, 03:31 PM
Why would you write about Korthos? :(

04-17-2012, 03:55 PM
Because that's how it all starts, for a player. A story has to start somewhere. It also allows me to introduce non-players to some mechanics of the world and how it works.

04-17-2012, 04:01 PM
Read the first couple of chapters, an interesting start.
I will likely read more.

I agree that the preface did get a good hook in, so we shall


04-18-2012, 11:39 PM
Nice! So far I like it! Only a couple chapters in so far, but I think it will be a good way to distract myself :)

Keep up the good work!

04-20-2012, 02:57 PM
The great white dragon swooped by on outspread wings, gliding silently, then disappeared on the other side of the mountain.

"Beautiful creature, ain't she?" Ardan whispered in a reverent tone.

"She'd be more beautiful dead," Kal said bluntly. "Admire the wildlife some other time. Let's move."

I am looking forward to reading some day how Kalvenor tries to kill Aussircaex in "Reaver's Refuge" chapter. I fondly hope she eats him.

04-22-2012, 01:45 PM
Because that's how it all starts, for a player. A story has to start somewhere. It also allows me to introduce non-players to some mechanics of the world and how it works.

Agree with you. I have read all you have posted so far. Very nice work and looking forward to reading more, thanks for sharing with us all.

05-12-2012, 07:36 AM
I have great pleasure reading this, and its my main book atm. (I allways read 2 at any time)

Good language and very interesting history lessons! I'm still in Korthos storywise and am looking forward to understand more about the harbourstuff.

Please keep up teh good work!

P.S: The part about the three dagons forming Ebberon was as most ebberon issues news to me! Jolly good! ;D

05-20-2012, 11:33 PM
Glad you are enjoying it. :)

07-27-2012, 11:44 AM
I found the book yesterday, and really enjoyed reading it! I've never even touched Eberron before DDO, so the history is pretty cool to read, quite apart from the story.
Only down point: when I wanted to continue reading today I keep getting an error message:
"The website encountered an unexpected error. Please try again later."

sad animal of choice :(

07-27-2012, 06:38 PM
Thanks for the kind words. I have a ticket in to reboot the server, which usually takes a few hours. Sigh.

07-27-2012, 07:08 PM
I have read all that you have written to date, and I have to congratulate you. I love the series and the back story. Please continue to write. You could always publish it yourself.

07-27-2012, 10:02 PM
Thank you! Comments like this really keep me going!

The site is back online. Your support means so much to me. Thanks!