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Aspenor
09-06-2007, 08:46 AM
There are many important rules to remember regarding the returning Mr. Norris. This list is just the top of the iceberg:

1. Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
2. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
3. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
5. There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
6. Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
7. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
8. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
9. Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
10. Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING

Kistilan
09-06-2007, 08:58 AM
LOL! LAWZ.

We have a few about a guy that looks just like Chuck Norris on the flightline, hairy arms and everything. Normally we replace Chuck Norris with Johnny C-No Workie, but here's one of the favorites.

1. When Chuck Norris has to jack up an aircraft, the aircraft doesn't go up -- the rest of the world moves down.

Duplicate_10
09-06-2007, 09:19 AM
I've got a FOUNDER'S HELM!!!!

Kistilan
09-06-2007, 09:20 AM
I've got a FOUNDER'S HELM!!!!

I've got XFIRE!

And Lessah has it now too (and your user id, so get on and get your mack on, mr roboto)

Duplicate_10
09-06-2007, 09:21 AM
I've got XFIRE!

And Lessah has it now too (and your user id, so get on and get your mack on, mr roboto)

FOUNDER'S HELM!

Kistilan
09-06-2007, 09:26 AM
FOUNDER'S HELM!

GD IT!!!!! :mad:

1. Put down the beer
2. Take the Helm off
3. Xfire

4. Let's get you to level 4 this week. :p And 400 favor.

Aspenor
09-06-2007, 09:29 AM
You two need to get a room or something.

Kistilan
09-06-2007, 09:35 AM
You two need to get a room or something.

Chuck Norris doesn't get rooms -- they form around him.

Beherit_Baphomar
09-06-2007, 09:36 AM
*peaks out from behind a rock*

Is Chuck, generally, a friendly guy?

Should I give Chuck all my stuff?

Will Chuck hurt me?

Does Chuck know where I live?

*hides*

Aspenor
09-06-2007, 09:38 AM
*peaks out from behind a rock*

Is Chuck, generally, a friendly guy?

Should I give Chuck all my stuff?

Will Chuck hurt me?

Does Chuck know where I live?

*hides*

1. No
2. Yes
3. Probably
4. Definitely

Cayrie
09-06-2007, 09:46 AM
*sigh*

Don't encourage him Asp.

Duplicate_10
09-06-2007, 09:52 AM
1. No
2. Yes
3. Probably
4. Definitely

QFT!

Cayrie, where did we go wrong?

Kistilan
09-06-2007, 10:03 AM
QFT!

Cayrie, where did we go wrong?

It was the kittens fiasco, Chuck.

Duplicate_10
09-06-2007, 10:04 AM
Which one?

Kistilan
09-06-2007, 10:07 AM
Which one?

The one where kitten-petting skills got some infraction points. :p But they're soooo cute.

I miss my kitty back home. He's dead. :-( Poor Bluemchen (little flower in german)

OMG! Asp, sorry for derailing this topic.

Chuck, what's that "Chuck Norris Kitten Fact" you told us once? We need to get back on-topic with the OP!!!

Aspenor
09-06-2007, 10:11 AM
*sigh*

Don't encourage him Asp.

Can I encourage you, then?? :)

oronisi
09-06-2007, 10:15 AM
LOL! LAWZ.

We have a few about a guy that looks just like Chuck Norris on the flightline, hairy arms and everything. Normally we replace Chuck Norris with Johnny C-No Workie, but here's one of the favorites.

1. When Chuck Norris has to jack up an aircraft, the aircraft doesn't go up -- the rest of the world moves down.

Ah that's a variation of one of my favorites:

When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the earth down.

Duplicate_10
09-06-2007, 10:16 AM
The one where kitten-petting skills got some infraction points. :p But they're soooo cute.

I miss my kitty back home. He's dead. :-( Poor Bluemchen (little flower in german)

OMG! Asp, sorry for derailing this topic.

Chuck, what's that "Chuck Norris Kitten Fact" you told us once? We need to get back on-topic with the OP!!!

Kittens are concentrated socialism. Its a fact!

Mad_Bombardier
09-06-2007, 10:25 AM
FOUNDER'S HELM!Yes, but what about the Limited Edition "technicolor baby booties"?

Beherit_Baphomar
09-06-2007, 10:36 AM
1. No
2. Yes
3. Probably
4. Definitely

*****

Duplicate_10
09-06-2007, 10:41 AM
Yes, but what about the Limited Edition "technicolor baby booties"?

BOOTIES!!!

Kistilan
09-06-2007, 10:56 AM
BOOTIES!!!

Seriously put down the drink.

Mad_Bombardier
09-06-2007, 11:05 AM
Chuck, what's that "Chuck Norris Kitten Fact" you told us once? We need to get back on-topic with the OP!!!The only fact you need to know is Chuck pwns kittens (http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/view/33844/).

Yaga_Nub
09-06-2007, 11:33 AM
There are many important rules to remember regarding the returning Mr. Norris.....

Aspenor = LAME

Here are the real top 10 things you need to know:

1. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.

2. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

3. Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.

4. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

5. Chuck Norris eats lightning and farts thunder.

6. "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

7. Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.

8. The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.

9. Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.

and finally...

10. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.


see above

Aspenor
09-06-2007, 11:35 AM
see above

Asp > Yaga + Chuck

Cayrie
09-06-2007, 11:39 AM
Actually, Kistilan, I don't care about kittens. Never did. You missed the mark there buddy. Not too surprising, now is it?

Actually Chuck, you've just said some things in the past that crossed the line. Not really looking forward to seeing that happen again. Sorry, dude. Though something tells me you don't particularly care. :rolleyes:

Kistilan
09-06-2007, 11:43 AM
Actually, Kistilan, I don't care about kittens. Never did. You missed the mark there buddy. Not too surprising, now is it?

I only wanted to mention the kittens-incident again. ^_^ I really don't care if you're ruffled by something Chuck said other than that 1 racey comment. He's also not going there again (and he wasn't serious, but I've stated that before, he was just drunk and misplaced on what was good humour).

But hey, you're my buddy now, so that's something!

Cayrie
09-06-2007, 11:49 AM
Ah...well I'm glad Chuck has his PR rep. who can speak for him. Assuming that's all you are to him. :)

Kistilan
09-06-2007, 11:52 AM
Ah...well I'm glad Chuck has his PR rep. who can speak for him. Assuming that's all you are to him. :)

Oh oh oh! I know that gets everyone all hot n bothered. The big question, IS Kistilan Straight!!!? /drumroll....

Meh, stay tuned next week kids!

'sides, Chuck's passed the heck out finally. Keeping him tame is hard work.

Duplicate_10
09-06-2007, 12:11 PM
Asp > Yaga + Chuck

Chuck > Yaga > Asp > .....

Duplicate_10
09-06-2007, 12:12 PM
Actually Chuck, you've just said some things in the past that crossed the line. Not really looking forward to seeing that happen again. Sorry, dude. Though something tells me you don't particularly care. :rolleyes:

Everyone has their internet line.

ArkoHighStar
09-06-2007, 12:13 PM
Everyone has their internet line.


is that like a hair line?

Aspenor
09-06-2007, 12:17 PM
Chuck > Yaga > Asp > .....

You forgot to carry the 2.

Kistilan
09-06-2007, 12:18 PM
Everyone has their internet line.

/draws a line between Chuck and Harm's Way, where Cayrie is hovering....

You're not allowed to cross today. You haven't paid your tolls. You haven't even apologized for your great tresspassing against the ligers!

And you went down to the pub for another drink, that's why you logged off, isn't it?

Duplicate_10
09-06-2007, 12:21 PM
You forgot to carry the 2.

Asp=Chuck?

Aspenor
09-06-2007, 12:23 PM
Asp=Chuck?

OMG!!!! :eek:

ArkoHighStar
09-06-2007, 12:25 PM
Asp=Chuck?

Its all becoming crystal clear now:D

Kistilan
09-06-2007, 12:29 PM
Its all becoming crystal clear now:D

I've finally scored a headache. G'dnite all!!! (TSSC nearly done, huzzah!!!)

Lessah
09-06-2007, 01:46 PM
Asp=Chuck?

I knew it!
I....I'm speechless
:eek:

Khestral
09-06-2007, 01:50 PM
Your speechless?? I've spent the last 20 minutes since I read that washing my mouth out with lye soap!

Duplicate_10
09-06-2007, 01:51 PM
Your speechless?? I've spent the last 20 minutes since I read that washing my mouth out with lye soap!

Your mouth has been on Asp?

Aspenor
09-06-2007, 01:58 PM
Your mouth has been on Asp?

:p I sense jealousy.

Duplicate_10
09-06-2007, 02:10 PM
:p I sense jealousy.

I sense blood. Go laser-eye powers!

Khestral
09-06-2007, 02:39 PM
What can I say... he's a good kisser... just didn't know Asp = Chuck... that's just... ick!

Madmardigan
09-06-2007, 02:49 PM
not gonna lie, the whole Chuck Norris thing stopped being funny after it was over-played to hell like... 2 years ago.

Yaga_Nub
09-06-2007, 03:02 PM
not gonna lie, the whole Chuck Norris thing stopped being funny after it was over-played to hell like... 2 years ago.

Unlike the whole Madmardigan thing which was played out like 15 years ago. ;)

TommyBoy
09-06-2007, 03:49 PM
I knew it!
I....I'm speechless
:eek:

I find that very hard to believe.



Unlike the whole Madmardigan thing which was played out like 15 years ago. ;)

BURN!!!

Vengenance
09-06-2007, 03:52 PM
QFT!

Cayrie, where did we go wrong?


She has standards.

Duplicate_10
09-06-2007, 04:18 PM
She has standards.

Which one are you again?

Duplicate_10
09-06-2007, 04:18 PM
not gonna lie, the whole Chuck Norris thing stopped being funny after it was over-played to hell like... 2 years ago.

When have I ever posted a "Chuck Norris Joke"?

Khestral
09-06-2007, 04:47 PM
When have I ever posted a "Chuck Norris Joke"?

Weeeell... I think just by posting, its a joke for you :D

Kistilan
09-06-2007, 05:16 PM
Unlike the whole Madmardigan thing which was played out like 15 years ago. ;)

Which would also mark his birthday? :D

Madmardigan
09-06-2007, 06:04 PM
Which would also mark his birthday? :D

dats a gewd joke dewd.

Kistilan
09-07-2007, 04:49 AM
dats a gewd joke dewd.

Not going to lie. I had to lower myself to see you eye to dwarven stature eye.

Tenkari_Rozahas
09-07-2007, 08:18 AM
number 5... i remember they put that onein a family guy episode... so it has to be true!!

Yaga_Nub
09-07-2007, 11:08 AM
number 5... i remember they put that onein a family guy episode... so it has to be true!!

Which #5? The one that Asp (booooo!) wrote or the one that Yaga (yay!!!!!!!) wrote? :)

Natalae
09-08-2007, 12:48 PM
After reading and CHUCKling at this post, I have come to this conclusion.

You all have a little chuck in you...if not literally:eek:

Duplicate_10
09-08-2007, 01:25 PM
After reading and CHUCKling at this post, I have come to this conclusion.

You all have a little chuck in you...if not literally:eek:

Natalee = <3!

Jondallar
09-08-2007, 10:13 PM
If Aspenor and Yaga had a fight to :mad: death:mad: who would win?


CHUCK NORRIS would naturally

DaveyCrockett
09-08-2007, 10:15 PM
If Aspenor and Yaga had a fight to :mad: death:mad: who would win?




US! :D

Aspenor
09-08-2007, 10:18 PM
US! :D

/signed

The average evil level of the world would drop dramatically ;)

Kistilan
09-08-2007, 11:03 PM
/signed

The average evil level of the world would drop dramatically ;)

And thus Evil was vanquished on this Holy Day.

Hello Kistilan,

We at DUNGEONS & DRAGONS ONLINE™: Stormreach™ Forums would like to wish you a happy birthday today!

Kistilan
02-24-2009, 02:17 PM
If Aspenor and Yaga had a fight to :mad: death:mad: who would win?


CHUCK NORRIS would naturally

Jon's a Chuck Fan!!! :eek:

(Was looking for Hall of Fame stuff, found this, read & laughed)

Aspenor
02-24-2009, 02:32 PM
Jon's a Chuck Fan!!! :eek:

(Was looking for Hall of Fame stuff, found this, read & laughed)

All Norris V. Asp threads should be rolled into a single Hall of Fame thread, because everybody knows that I WIN @ THE INTERNETZ

alchilito
02-24-2009, 02:46 PM
All Norris V. Asp threads should be rolled into a single Hall of Fame thread, because everybody knows that I WIN @ THE INTERNETZ

Aspenor = Source of all Epic Apocalyptic Failures, both in-game and IRL.


That is all.

Aspenor
02-24-2009, 02:51 PM
Aspenor = Source of all Epic Apocalyptic Failures, both in-game and IRL.


That is all.

It's true. See my rogue's profile in-game.

Turbine data line crashes = my fault (because I'm so uber I overloaded the system by logging in)

Abbot = My fault (because the devs tried to replicate my power via puzzles)

Tsunamis in the Indian Ocean = my fault

Hunger in Somalia = my fault

Deadz
02-24-2009, 03:55 PM
If Aspenor and Yaga had a fight to :mad: death:mad: who would win?


CHUCK NORRIS would naturally
Beats me, but I know someone is getting slapped..

Welcome back Chuck.

Anastasios
02-24-2009, 06:49 PM
Beats me, but I know someone is getting slapped..

Welcome back Chuck.

Unfortunately the slapping involved would be the type that usually follows the term 'Who's Your Daddy, oh yeah....'

Personally I think San Francisco would be just the place for this type of event imho...Yaga, Asp, and Chuck...Sounds like a FLAMER WAR in the making...

Aspenor
02-24-2009, 08:05 PM
Unfortunately the slapping involved would be the type that usually follows the term 'Who's Your Daddy, oh yeah....'

Personally I think San Francisco would be just the place for this type of event imho...Yaga, Asp, and Chuck...Sounds like a FLAMER WAR in the making...

I'm sure you know all about flamers.

Ganak
02-24-2009, 10:15 PM
Turbine data line crashes = my fault (because I'm so uber I overloaded the system by logging in)

Abbot = My fault (because the devs tried to replicate my power via puzzles)

Tsunamis in the Indian Ocean = my fault

Hunger in Somalia = my fault


Nick's singing = Asp's fault

Yaga_Nub
02-27-2009, 11:02 AM
I find it shameful and repugnant that someone resurrected this thread, let alone gave Asp something to start talking about again. :mad:

Kistilan
02-27-2009, 12:08 PM
I find it shameful and repugnant that someone resurrected this thread, let alone gave Asp something to start talking about again. :mad:

Well the point was Jond <3's Chuck. I found that interesting when I was looking for other threads to recommend for Hall of Fame (Kitten Threads ie Cat Pictures).

Kistilan
02-27-2009, 12:27 PM
All Norris V. Asp threads should be rolled into a single Hall of Fame thread, because everybody knows that I WIN @ THE INTERNETZ

/qft

I miss the really REALLY old ones where you guys took off the gloves. You know, the ones we can't recover in late '06. Those no-punches-pulled threads lead Aspenor to his Throne.

Of course, it's also probably a good thing we can't read how dumb we all were in those threads. I apologize in retrospect for the hurt. :o

alchilito
02-27-2009, 03:15 PM
/qft

I miss the really REALLY old ones where you guys took off the gloves. You know, the ones we can't recover in late '06. Those no-punches-pulled threads lead Aspenor to his Throne.

Of course, it's also probably a good thing we can't read how dumb we all were in those threads. I apologize in retrospect for the hurt. :o

What is this Throne you speak of. Does it have a flushing mechanism ?

Jondallar
02-27-2009, 03:41 PM
The Ultimate Winner

Seriously though I like Chuck (platonically) I think this lil clip describes the epicness of the forum battles that i have enjoyed so much.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3Nqguav6nE&feature=related