Letters to the Festivult Jester
Posted On: December 28th, 2011
I am the Jester of the Festivult! I gather coins in exchange for wonderful treats! Look for me when Update 8 arrives atop the floating puzzles in the Harbor, House Kundarak, House Jorasco, and House Phiarlan!
The time has come once again to answer your maaaaagic holiday questions! Remember to have a fun Festivult, and eat those cookies - they’re good for you!
Does quest difficulty or level affect the drop rate of coins?
- Brian 14
Absolutely not! There is an equal chance of coins appearing in chests no matter what the difficulty, or level of quest.
At a recent party down at the Leaky Dingy, I was served a very tasty dish. I asked the server what it was called and he replied “Elf Pudding, the Festivult Jester’s favorite holiday treat!”
My question is, is it made FOR elves, BY elves, or OF elves?
Actually, the name “Elf Pudding” represents a class of puddings that contain special ingredients that were originally grown exclusively on Aerenal. In the past, therefore, it was made BY elves, but nowadays these ingredients can be found throughout Eberron. However, people still refer to these puddings as “Elf Pudding” in honor of that ancient island kingdom.
Are the exceptional reward prizes only for gold coin turn ins, or do I have a chance for, say, a Sun Blade or +4 Tome from copper turn ins, even if at a much reduced rate?
It is theoretically possible to get exceptional items from even Copper Coins! However, you are approximately ten times more likely to be struck by lightning (if you believe the research which shows that you have a one in 78,125,000 chance of being struck by natural lightning.) I say natural because, naturally, there’s a lot of electricity being thrown around by wizards, sorcerers and the like.
Essentially, every time you turn in a coin, there is a chance to be “upgraded” to the next loot tier on a special chart. So, you could get very lucky and get upgraded all the way to a +4 tome! The better the coin, the further up the ladder you start, so your chances of being upgraded to awesomeness are better with a gold coin than with a silver or copper because you have fewer tiers to try and get upgraded through. Be sure to check out my 2009 letters for even more info about getting exceptional rewards.
What should I get my sweetie for Festivult when she has everything a raging Half Orc Barbarian could want?
Does your sweetie have a necklace made of Blood Stones? If not, perhaps several thousand trips to the Menectarun Desert might be in order. If she does have one, well, I guess I’d say you should offer to wash the dishes for a year, or something…
Where in Ebberon are these Festivult items manufactured, and are there tours?
Festivult items are manufactured specifically for the festival in my workshop in Everice by artificers and cooks of House Ghallanda and House Cannith! Ultimately, if you are willing to face the incredible danger of crossing into Everice (a vast and mysterious icy land south of Xen’drik, where you are likely to be either killed by ferocious creatures or slowly freeze to death), I’m not going to send you home un-toured.
Dear Mr. Jester,
Thank you very much for the cookies and cakes you have already given me. The Shavarath cakes and White Abishai cookies proved invaluable in a nearly failed attempt to “Tame the Flames” recently in House Kundarak.
I’ve been a good girl busily collecting more coins for you. However, I have to ask… why do you perch so high? I misplaced my feather falling item between lives and the height makes me dreadfully dizzy.
Also, what exactly IS in that cask you always have beside you? Can I have some? Maybe it will calm my nerves as I stand beside you waaaay up there with every breeze threatening to knock me down.
Thank you very much.
Good question! Originally, my plan was to distribute Festivult goodies at ground-level, but then I became aware of a Coin Lord mandate that all vendors in Stormreach pay a fee to transact business in the city, or face, shall we say, unpleasantness…
However, upon looking closely at the charter, I noticed that this fee was to be levied against all businesses, “…whose structures or vendors be located on the grounds of Stormreach.” Well, there is no “ground” in the air! So, I employed the use of floating platforms to avoid all contact with the ground around Stormreach, and am therefore able to take part in this festival while honoring the rules set by the excellent and productive Coin Lords!
As far as my cask goes, well, umm, let’s just say that one must stay hydrated when standing for weeks at a time. It may smell a bit like Dwarven Ale, but I assure you, it’s (hic) not… This letter brought to you in part by Old Sully’s Grog. After you quench your thirst for blood, quench your thirst with a great tasting refreshing Grog from Old Sully, available in your local tavern. Always quest responsibly.
Could you please tell us your Festivult story of the history of the Festival Twig?
- Stanley Nicholas
I’ve heard several stories about this incredible item!
The First Story:
There once was a “friend of the Coin Lords” who was looking for a remote location to create a workshop. This “friend” found himself at wits end, slowly being chilled to his last breath upon the icy landscape of Everice, wishing only for a small fire from which to survive the night.
This “friend” appealed to all of the powers within Eberron to save him. To his surprise, an incredible wind blew from the north, a tornado of dust and debris carried from lands far away, perhaps as far as the jungles of Xen’drik itself! After the wind died down, this “friend” prepared for death, and began walking toward a small hollow in the ice from which to rest his mortal soul.
To his surprise, he arrived to find his salvation - a small twig left behind by the powerful wind! He used this twig to light a fire, which kept him safe through the night, and the morning brought life-giving sun and warmth.
I’ve heard it said that this “friend’s” workshop is located at the place where the twig was found! To give thanks, this “friend” pledged that no citizen of Eberron be without a twig, so that they might have life-giving fire in the event they find themselves in a similar position. Thus, the Festival Twig was born!
The Second Story:
A certain Producer working for Turbine, Inc. was a member of a founding guild on Ghallanda, playing anonymously. The guild had a saying when they’d open a chest to find undesirable items inside. They’d say, “…this chest has nothing but stones and twigs in it!” When the time came to create items for Festivult, they needed an idea for a “booby prize” - an item that had little use. A certain Producer in question remembered playing with the guild on Ghallanda, and said, “we should make it a Twig!” Others agreed, and the Festival Twig was born!
The Twig spent many years being a sad scoffed-at gift from my packs. Even more loathed than coal! Every Season my mailbox would be flooded with requests to make the Twig DO something. So, one year the Twig found new purpose…
Jack Frostbite arrived in Eberron with his Risia games, and Jack had a brilliant idea to put the Twig to work. The Twig was the natural shape for wands, so the Twig became an ingredient to create frosty themed wands in the Risian Crafting Altar. But that wasn’t the only practical application of Twigs… through a lot of maaagical experimentation, a secret recipe was created. By combining snow, coal, winter motes, and a twig, a Snowma…..I mean… Snow Elemental could be summoned to fight for you! (The Twig turned out to be perfect to make its hair).
And that my friends, are the stories of the Festival Twig. I’ll let you decide which story you believe.
If you were a cookie, what flavor would you be, and what would be your superpower?
A Jester Cookie would almost certainly have to taste like incredible handsomeness. My superpower would be to be able to carry an incredibly large amount of items and still look like I’m not carrying much at all!
So I guess in a way, you could say that my Cookie superpower would be like the Cookie Jars – they hold a lot of Festivult treats but they always seem like the same size on the outside. Except then you could put the Cookie of Cookie Jar power in a Cookie Jar. Cookie jarception.
Far be it from me to question your altruistic motives, but what exactly - oh great donator of cookies and gifts - do you actually use all these wondrous coins for, that are made from copper, silver and gold (that coincidentally appear on the corpses of our dead foes only while you reside on our unworthy plane?)
And, if you forgive my asking, will you ever have enough of said coins to put an end to your most welcome exploits in Eberron, or can we hope to enjoy your awe inspiring presence for years to come?
your most loyal servant and admirer
This one’s easy! I use all of those coins to pay the salaries of the artificers and cooks who make Festivult items and cookies! Rumors that these coins are sent to the Coin Lords to fill their vast loot-filled Vaults are completely unfounded.
As far as the second question goes, it would take a world-shattering event to bring this celebration to an end. So, it’d take something like one of Eberron’s moons crashing into the earth, or perhaps an invasion from Khyber!
Letters to the Jester
Posted On: December 17th, 2010
I like reading through all the letters sent to me during Festivult. Today I thought I’d take a moment to answer a few!
Hey Mr Jester,
When are you leaving us for the year? And when is the last day to turn in coins?
There’s still plenty of time. My tickets for passage back to Everice Workshop (courtesy of House Lyrandar) aboard the Sailing Slaybell Airship indicate that I won’t be leaving until early Zarantyr. Don’t procrastinate though, gather and trade in those coins!
Dear Mr. Jester, sir.
It has come to my attention that WE STILL HAVE NO DRUIDS! It would be very kind not only to me, but for everyone of Stormreach that for Festivult this year, we can haz dem? Pleeeeeeeeasse?
I will be sure to pass your letter on to the DDO Developers! Without them, even I wouldn’t have my maaaagical powers of Festivult! I know they’ve been working hard, and will bring such new features as soon as they’re able. You’ve been good little boys, girls, and constructs lately, so I’ll be sure to put in a good word for you! Just remember, if you’re naughty, I’ll make sure they replace the natural powers of Druids with the natural powers of coal.
in all of the world no one has the style you do, it would be an honor to make a wish to you. My wish is to obtain the monk class, simply no more and no less, thank you Jester.
Well sieg121, if you’re a free player who doesn’t yet have the monk, there are lots of ways you can approach it:
- There’s a very good deal on the VIP program right now (9.99 a month)! That is one quick way to get access to a monk, and you’ll score free monthly points to buy extras.
- If you plan on staying as a free player, I hope since you wrote this letter that you took advantage of the 50% off sale that happened earlier this month during our Daily Deals of Festivult!
- There have also been some excellent sales on point bundles that can help put more loot in your stocking.
- If you haven’t already, don’t forget to enter the sweepstakes to win 100,000 Turbine Points - with that many points, you could buy a whole monastery of monks!
- I hear the Eberron Chronicle bestows points to random readers who answer comments and trivia questions, maybe that would be a good place to try for some extra points to put towards your monkly efforts?
Alas I have no monks tucked away in my bags of holding, but I hope these tips are helpful to you and bring you a monk for Festivult!
Please don’t grant us world peace. The place would be boring. Grant us the old Chinese curse: May we live in interesting times.
I have good news for you PuppyZwolle! You have no fear of a boring and peaceful Stormreach. If it’s one thing I’ve noticed on my trips to your fair city is each year you’re bombarded with some plight or other. Everything from conspiracies to infestations (or even invasions) seem to happen constantly in Stormreach. In fact, one year, when I went to your marketplace to gather coins, I was shocked to see that in place of the market tent there was a crater in the ground where a devil army had blown it up!
Where do Sunblades come from? Are those the famed Sword of Tyseus (sp?) that Lord Gerald Goodblade told me about?
I’m afraid not my friend… the Sword of Tesyus is actually in Black Anvil Forest. Speak with Sir Kinze MacDunnam, I believe he’s looking for some help with that. As for Sunblades? Well… when a Radiance II bastard sword and a Mineral II shortsword love each other very much…
You get the idea.
To “Festivult Jester”,
It is said that you are an “anonymous friend of the Coin Lords”. I am here to call you out, Coin Lord Yorrick Amanatu! Your disguise isn’t fooling anyone any more. I find it just a little TOO convenient that the one city ward the Jester isn’t in is the SAME ward where Amanatu is… who also “coincidentally” is a dwarf… who also “coincidentally” has a beard. The other Coin Lords are too short, skinny, or female to pose as the Jester of the Festivult. On top of that, Lord Amanatu, you’ve shown yourself as able to move quickly between locations just like the “Festivult Jester”: one moment I see you in the Market dealing with the Sharn Syndicate, and then I see you in Lords March Plaza!
Maybe if you Coin Lords spent more time fight monsters like we adventurers and less time trading cookies our city wouldn’t be in this Droaam mess!
Good day sir.
- Concerned citizen
Dear “Concerned Citizen”,
I should probably begin my response by informing you that I am the Jester, and therefor have a roster of everyone’s names. You may think you are anonymous, but you are not. My absence from the Marketplace is not indicative of me being Yorrick Amanatu. For your information, the reason for me not being in the market is this:
When I came to your city after the devil invasion, they had me climb up onto some ricketty enchanted scaffolding above the blast zone. I can assure you I was none too pleased to be so closely positioned near the source of devil legions teeming beneath the city. I haven’t been back to the Market since. Sure, they tell me that the Twelve has placed a maaagical seal to ward the marketplace tent and keep it “safe”. I don’t trust it - people are going in and out of the Subterrane constantly, you can’t tell me that something couldn’t slip out in the process. I’m not the only one of this mindset - you’ll note that all the high class brokers are found not beneath the tent, but down on Silversmith Road!
I appreciate your cold nature by trying to scare all the good little boys, girls, and warforged with your claims that there’s no such thing as the Festivult Jester. I assure you that while I’m a friend of the Coinlords, I am not a Coin Lord myself. I will therefor be sure to inform Coin Lord Amanatu that you referred to him as “fat,” and I doubt the other Coin Lords will take kindly to your unflattering descriptions of their physical statures (particularly when you referred to Coin Lord Varen Lassite as a girl).
Once again, I’d like to thank the House Cannith and Orien for their help delivering letters to me throughout the Festivult season. I hope everyone is having a safe and profitable Festivult!
Dear Festivult Jester
Posted On: November 30th, 2009
Dear Festivult Jester,
I had a guildy tell me he got a +3 str and a +4 con tome. I dont know if he was bs’ing in guild chat or not. I asked but he seemed to get offended (no screen shot)… are tomes dropping this year?
Yes DME543, there are +3 and +4 tomes. They exist as certainly as halflings and swords and dragons exist, and you know that they abound and give to you stats in the highest form. Alas, how dreary would the world be if there were no +3 and +4 tomes during Festivult? It would be as dreary as if there were no players! There would be no pick up groups then, no rolls on loot, no witty or helpful forum posts to make tolerable this existence. We should have no phat lewts, except in sense and sight and focus orb. The eternal wand of cure light wounds would be extinguished. But let me explain how such tomes are possible in more simple terms…
Imagine if you will that my goodie bags are divided into three “tiers”. Copper is the lowest tier of bag, where I keep my coal and twigs and lesser treats, while the gold tier bag is where I keep my special goodies. But there is another tiny pouch, a very special pouch, that is mixed in with my gold tier bag. This extra special, extra magical pouch is sospecial, it can even survive being inside another extra-dimensional space without causing the universe to implode! Within this bottomless pouch, I keep the rarest of my rewards - things like tomes, sunblades, and other magical items! But this pouch is veeery tiny and difficult for me to grab with my stubby and old fingers!
When you hand me a gold coin, I reach in my gold tier bag and root around for something to hand you. While rooting around, there is an ever so small chance that I may grab hold of the tiny extra special pouch rather than a cookie or cake. From this tiny but wondrous pouch I might pull a tome, a sunblade, or any number of glorious things for you! But the odds of me grabbing the tiny bag are slim since it’s mixed in with all my gold tier goodies.
Meanwhile, when you hand my your copper and silver coins, I reach into the appropriate bag. To be a little nice, I tossed in an “upgrade” ticket into these bags. There is a chance when I reach in for a cupcake or a twig in my copper bag that I will pull this upgrade ticket, and instead switch to the silver bag and pull a treat from the silver tier for you. The same thing could happen when you hand me your silver coins, and I’ll upgrade and pull from the gold tier instead. The odds of this happening are also slim - ticket is much smaller than the cookies, cakes, and cupcakes - so it’s far more likely that I grab treats than an upgrade ticket. But it could happen!
In the same odds as the odds on playing the lottery, it is theoretically possible for a person to turn in copper coins, I pull an upgrade ticket in the copper bag, then another upgrade ticket in the silver bag, then I happen to grab the super special pouch while digging in the gold bag and presto! You could very well have a +4 tome for those 3 copper! But again, the likelihood of this happening is incredible odds. Should you experience this phenomenon, luck is with you and you may want to try your luck with other things because you’re on a roll! You’re better off sticking with gold coins, but again, the chances are still very very very small! It’s part of the wonder and excitement of Festivult!
As for your friends - while it is possible that it happened, and they really did pull a tome or a sunblade for their festival coins, there is an old saying older than I am: screenshot or it didn’t happen!
- Happy Festivult!