I am the Jester of the Festivult! I gather coins in exchange for wonderful treats! Look for me when Update 8 arrives atop the floating puzzles in the Harbor, House Kundarak, House Jorasco, and House Phiarlan!
‘Twas the Night Before Festivult (2011)
Posted On: December 19th, 2011
Hello everyone! I’ll be back later this week answering some letters from the DDO community, but until then, here’s a festive poem for the holiday!
Twas the night before Festivult and all through House C
The kobolds were mining and squeaking with glee
The Time Foreman’s deals were arranged with great care
To dodge paradox futures that used to be there
The runearms were nestled all snug on the wrist
While maaaagical powers were called forth from the fist
And “Arties” with their goggles and dogs (with their bark)
had just settled down when I heard them remark
“I wonder how long ’til the Jester gets here?
I’ve noticed the Planes are moving quite near”
The moon on the breast of the newly laid floor
Did seem a bit bigger than it had been before
When deep in the cookie jars there arose such a clatter
That the players looked in packs to see what was the matter
The cookies had changed their effects in a flash
(and one of them gained the ability to slash!)
And then, with a jingling, coins showed up in loot
With Festivult markings that none could dispute
As they gathered up all of the coins they had found
They froze when they heard an unusual sound
“RUUUUR Gold! UUURG Silver!
Oooog copper, mmmm cakes!
Ruur cookies, mmm snowballs
UURG candy cane skates
A Taken was shambling down Silversmith Road
And the party raised arms ready to unload
But before they could cast, shoot weapon, or attack
The form of the Taken had already turned back
He was dressed in a fur, with a kama in hand…
It was only that monk they’d met in Gwylan’s Stand
“Man you should’ve seen the look on your face!”
“How’d you do that? Taken aren’t a playable race!”
“I got this from the Jester, come have a look, see…”
As he reached in his pocket, and pulled out a cookie
So hideous it was, I cried “Eeeeew, away from my sight!”
But he said I could be a Taken, if I’d just take a bite.
Twas the Night Before Festivult…
Posted On: December 10th, 2010
Hello good little boys, girls, and animated constructs of Stormreach! I’ve sent this letter via the Orien courier service ahead of my arrival on Monday! I can’t wait to see you again! Please enjoy this festive poem to tide you over until my flight lands and I get settled in. Happy Festivult!
Twas the night before Festivult, and all through the game
The players were looking for Medusa to frame
The Chronoscope’s magic was in Tremas’ care
In hopes that some suckers… adventurers soon would be there
Then that little old Dwarf arrived with his packs
Offering even more Festivult snacks
In exchange for coins - copper, silver, and gold
Hidden in treasure chests earned by the bold
The cookies were nestled all snug in the banks
With buffs for divines, arcanists, and tanks
But it was so crowded, even with more shared space
That the cookies were starting to get frowny faced
When out from the Store there arose such a clatter
As ceramic containers became all the chatter
Cookie jars were here to hold Festivult treats
To free up room for loot without need of deletes!
“Now Velah! now, Titan, Beholder, and Xyzzy
In, Abbot! In, Stormreaver, Hezrou, and Abishai!
To the cookie jar with you, where you’ll wait to be eaten
To ensure the real versions of you can be beaten!”
Jack Frostbite sprang in with a toe like a missile
And called down from the ice jumps to all with a whistle
“Hey Jester don’t steal all the festive lime light!
Happy Festivult to all, and may you come try a flight!”
Posted On: July 1st, 2010
Twas a hot sticky evening
And all through the heat
The players were finding
More monsters to beat
The kobolds went out
in the sun if they dared
While the dock worker Pirates
had chests freshly naired (ow)
When off of an airship
That arose with a clatter
A frostly old dwarf
Climbed down from a ladder
And a fresh chilly air
Rolled in with a howl
As he put on some shades
And cast off his cowl
“This jungle heat’s a drag
Let’s cool off for a while
I’ll be back with my treats
To help make you smile!”
So gather those coins
And get ready everyone
The Jester will return
For some summertime fun!
Posted On: January 4th, 2010
The lyrics to the carol have been recovered thanks to these dextrous adventurers:
For a minute I thought I was actually going to have to pay that ransom to the Kobolds! Stop by their blogs and give them a shout out on their wall for their help, I know I will be!
This gives me time to sing my carol until I depart next Monday, January 11th. It’s been so great to see so many new and old faces coming to visit me all over the city. I hope everyone had a wonderful Festivult this year! Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to enjoy my carol!
On the Twelfth Day of Festivult the Jester gave to me:
Twelve guildies raiding! … (always handy)
Eleven Smiters smitting … (take THAT evil doers!)
Ten Clerics healing… (whew, now I don’t need to put up an LFM)
Nine Barbs a raging… (I let them go in front. It’s safer that way.)
Eight Monks a leaping… (to get to those hard to reach places)
Seven Swords a slaying… (one for every monster type! I’ve got animal slaying, monstrous humanoid slaying, outsider slaying, construct slaying, undead slaying, aberration slaying, and… plant slaying??)
Six Minds a flaying… (wait, how’d that get in there? Oooh I remember now - Fred’s wish list. Hmm I guess he has been good this year…)
Five Golden Coins! (it’s like wishing for 5 more wishes!)
Four Tasty hams… (the bestamus gift EVAR!)
Three Times crit… (it laughs at your puny 2 times crit!)
Two Jellycakes… (may as well enjoy them before I make that New Year’s resolution to lose weight)
And a Beholder Cookie! (om nom nom)
Happy Festivult and Happy New year!
Posted On: January 1st, 2010
On the twelfth day of Festivult the Jester gave to me… Twelve F….
Twelve…. Um… *mumble* bloodstones? No that wasn’t it… twelve …tiny scales? No…
Blast! I’m failing my memory check on the lyrics! How am I supposed to sing the time honored Twelve Days of Festivult if I can’t remember the words? It’s those Kobold’s fault…
I had the lyrics written down on a piece of paper for this very reason, and had tucked the paper safely away until I needed it. Then these little Kobolds climbed up to me with coins in their hands. They kept saying “Treats! Yark!”. I was apprehensive about it. But I figured it would be in the spirit of Festivult to let them participate in the fun. The dirty little pickpockets must have snatched the paper while I was busy rooting in the gift bags! Curse their high dexterity and my low spot check! I received this ransom notice in the Orien post:
This is terrible! I’m not going to pay for what is already mine! (And I’m not fat, I’m jolly confound it!)
I need your help adventurers, and I’ll make it worth your while… The first 5 players to send me a private message here in my.ddo with all twelve lines of the song lyrics will receive 500 Turbine Points! I will announce the winners on Monday, January 4th. Points will be awarded to the account associated with your my.ddo account, so make sure you contact me with the account you want the reward on! Thanks for your help adventurers - this way I can thwart the Kobolds and still sing my favorite Festivult Carol! Happy Festivult, and may you have a profitable New Year!